The Moon Saved This Boy's Ass
The blistering winter sun perched itself high above the crowd, of mostly Taiwanese locals. Many of them eagerly awaited the giant circular microwave in the sky, to dip itself down into a much more Instagram likeable position.
Grown-ass men pushed their Chihuahuas in baby strollers , while high-stepping the baby waves knocking against the foot of the sea. Of course, the men were avoiding the pain and anguish of dipping their little toesies in the 72 degree farenheit water.
More grown-ass men squealed to avoid another fear. This time, they were afraid of a 20 pound puppy named Daffy Duck, one of the men pushing a Chihuahua in a baby stroller squealed like a horrible date when she found out some celebrity liked her foto on Instagram.
Out of the water, waddled what appeared to be a penguin at first glimpse. His breasts could have used a bra, and his belly drooped like that of a man who has lived a lifetime of soothing his disappointments with Cheetos and Budweiser.
A woman seemed to be pursuing this Penguin-looking creature.
"Get over here, NOW!"
"3-2-...."
The beckoning index finger told anyone who didn't speak their language, that was what she was saying.
This dispicably overweight person turned out to be a small child.
A few things matched on this Filipina mother's eyes. The skin, her eyes, and her bikini were all golden brown. But, the red fire in her eyes seemed to be blazing, all the way to her core.
Then, she shouted in Tagolog again for her naked son to return to her grasp, so she could wrap up the boy in the black and white towel she was carrying, and spare the rest of us from being forced to look at his naked body.
Amazingly enough, her powerful legs and thighs, could not seem to catch up to him.
Then,he gave us all an even bigger surprise.He took a clump of sand, lodged it in between his fat little fingers, and threw a perfect strike, right ontol the beautiful face of his mother. As she brushed the sand off her face, strike two came when the sand ricocheted off her Six Pack abs.
She shrieked with enough anger to make a fat kid put down a bag of popcorn at the movie theater. Even the stray dogs on the beach stopped to see what was going to happen next.
Naked Boy must have just ate a bag of M&M's, because he managed to run fast enough to stay out of the grasp of Six Pack Mom.
She finally got to within striking range. If there were frustrated teachers on the beach, they would have been chanting, "Mom, Mom, Mom!"
That's when he froze her like the smell of greasy french fries for a drunk stumbling past McDonald's at three in the morning.
He unwrapped his black and white towel, and showed her the same ghostly white part of his body, that she probably spent the first two years of her life wiping. He mooned her.
The shrieks of anger turned to buckets of laughter big enough to hold together a Super-Size french fry order.
Laughter literally saved his ass.
Meanwhile, a frustrated teacher, and his puppy, Daffy Duck, walked back to his car.
"Did that really just happen, Daffy Duck?"
Grown-ass men pushed their Chihuahuas in baby strollers , while high-stepping the baby waves knocking against the foot of the sea. Of course, the men were avoiding the pain and anguish of dipping their little toesies in the 72 degree farenheit water.
More grown-ass men squealed to avoid another fear. This time, they were afraid of a 20 pound puppy named Daffy Duck, one of the men pushing a Chihuahua in a baby stroller squealed like a horrible date when she found out some celebrity liked her foto on Instagram.
Out of the water, waddled what appeared to be a penguin at first glimpse. His breasts could have used a bra, and his belly drooped like that of a man who has lived a lifetime of soothing his disappointments with Cheetos and Budweiser.
A woman seemed to be pursuing this Penguin-looking creature.
"Get over here, NOW!"
"3-2-...."
The beckoning index finger told anyone who didn't speak their language, that was what she was saying.
This dispicably overweight person turned out to be a small child.
A few things matched on this Filipina mother's eyes. The skin, her eyes, and her bikini were all golden brown. But, the red fire in her eyes seemed to be blazing, all the way to her core.
Then, she shouted in Tagolog again for her naked son to return to her grasp, so she could wrap up the boy in the black and white towel she was carrying, and spare the rest of us from being forced to look at his naked body.
Amazingly enough, her powerful legs and thighs, could not seem to catch up to him.
Then,he gave us all an even bigger surprise.He took a clump of sand, lodged it in between his fat little fingers, and threw a perfect strike, right ontol the beautiful face of his mother. As she brushed the sand off her face, strike two came when the sand ricocheted off her Six Pack abs.
She shrieked with enough anger to make a fat kid put down a bag of popcorn at the movie theater. Even the stray dogs on the beach stopped to see what was going to happen next.
Naked Boy must have just ate a bag of M&M's, because he managed to run fast enough to stay out of the grasp of Six Pack Mom.
She finally got to within striking range. If there were frustrated teachers on the beach, they would have been chanting, "Mom, Mom, Mom!"
That's when he froze her like the smell of greasy french fries for a drunk stumbling past McDonald's at three in the morning.
He unwrapped his black and white towel, and showed her the same ghostly white part of his body, that she probably spent the first two years of her life wiping. He mooned her.
The shrieks of anger turned to buckets of laughter big enough to hold together a Super-Size french fry order.
Laughter literally saved his ass.
Meanwhile, a frustrated teacher, and his puppy, Daffy Duck, walked back to his car.
"Did that really just happen, Daffy Duck?"
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