Bullshit News In Taiwan- A Canadian Expat Wears A Special Shirt For Eating in Public

Expat Chuck launched his cat halfway across his apartment with one swift kick to the cat's backside.  In mid-air, Cat's tongue snagged the broken chopstick off the table.

 Cat hissed like it was possessed by the devil as Cat chased Expat Chuck out of his house.

Expat Chuck mumbled as he braced himself against the hallway in his apartment corridors.

"Dude. Chopsticks are like Satan to me." 

Mr. Wu heard the raucous and came out to greet, Expat Chuck.

"Chuck-uh. We hear the girl left last night when you couldn't use chopsticks."
"Oh Bullshit. I could use chopsticks to eat your wife's pussy if I wanted to." 
"Just take the fork, Chuck-uh."

Expat Chuck kicked the fork out of Mr. Wu's fragile hands as Chuck darted towards the elevator. Chuck turned around as he was getting in the elevator.

"Try to give me a fork again, and I will take it to stab your Golden Retriever's baby stroller to death with holes." 

Sweat poured down Expat Chuck's face while he waited to get to the bottom floor of the elevator.  Suddenly, one of Chuck's students, Squirrel,  from his baby's class, walked into the elevator with his mom.

"Mom." 
"That's teacher Chuck."
"He can't use chopsticks. 
"Maybe we can give him a fork."


"Shut up, Squirrel!"
"I'm gonna break in your house and eat all your nuts with your favorite chopsticks."

Mom hissed back at Expat Chuck.
"I'm the only one that touches my Little Squirrel's nuts." 
"Besides, your titties droop lower than the teets on the temple dogs across the street."

Expat Chuck broke away from that melee.

The three-foot lady at the stinky tofu stand was doing her mid-afternoon stretches at the stand when she saw her good buddy, Expat Chuck. Suddenly, she was speaking Mandarin like she had a Colombian accent.

"Hey Vato. I got what you need."

Chuck kissed her on her pruney lips. It was a t-shirt with Mandarin on it, "Yes, I can use chopsticks."

Chuck put the shirt on and kept walking. He yelled at some street dogs, "Go home!" and laughed to himself about the irony that the dogs don't have a home. That was two wins in one day for him after getting the shirt.

"I haven't felt like this much of a winner since I beat my dead goldfish, Planters, at hide and seek twice in one day."  

As he walked into his favorite Beef Noodle restaurant, the owners rushed to get him a fork. Then, he just pointed at his shirt.  So, they left him alone, and he spilled the broth on his shirt, leaving him with a stain that people could no longer read his shirt.

Pissed off, he goes outside and starts giving every car and scooter he sees the middle finger. Then the police came and carted him away.  When the first prison meal came, he was right back to the day of the stinky tofu lady with a Colombian accent gave him the t-shirt.

"Yes, I can use chopsticks."