An Empty Heart For Taipei

Welcome back to Taiwan.

Chasing What I Can't Have In The South

Sand hid between my toes, on top of my scalp, and in the cracks and crevices of my ears.

Nobody wore a shirt, or shoes for 7 days. Nobody cared.

A thunderstorm pounded us yesterday. The end of our vacation loomed. This end meant I might throw a temper tantrum.

Mom and Dad gave me a buck and a quarter. 

Mom and Dad also told me to just go talk to her. 

Just go talk to her seemed as easy as performing open heart surgery. I was 10.

I held the green note, and silver change in my right hand.

I waited on the battlefield. This means I waited in line.

Her blonde pony tail flung around the sundae making area. It was so freaking blonde. I wanted to marry her.

I was convinced she was 13. This made her incredibly cool to me. 

I waited 5 deep in line while I fantasized about our marriage. 

The complications of school, and her living in a different state didn't seem to matter to me. 

I thought I could just write her letters. 

Maybe, she could call me collect once in a while. 

I could get a part-time job to pay for collect calls. 

Also, my parents weren't stingy. They probably would have helped.

She looked my way often. Often, my eyes plunged deep down into the boardwalk of Ocean City, Maryland, beneath my feet.

I progressed to the #4 spot in line. 

I didn't want ice cream anymore. 

I would have loved the ice cream. I just didn't know what to say to her.

I returned to Mom and Dad. They tried their best to cheer me up. 

They knew I was facing not only the crushing defeat of our family vacation week ending, but my first strike out with a beautiful blonde.

The thunderstorm style temper tantrum never materialized. 

My thunderstorm temper tantrum just became a thunderstorm amount of silence.

We drove back to Pennsylvania.

 We drove 5 hours north. 

We probably drove more west than north. I'm not that good at geography.

 My whole childhood always instilled in me that the south is better. If I couldn't have something, it was always in the south. I will tell you more about this some other time.

I thought about the beautiful blonde 13 year old pony tail swinging ice cream stand girl often. I thought about her at well past the time I turned 13

I often hoped ice cream stand girl had a southern accent.

I thought about what our life in the South could have been like together.

I told you before. Ocean City, MD, is not technically that much further south. 

But, my family always thought anything good is in the South.

Nobody Interesting Enough To Drink A Beer With

My life moved on after the ice cream stand incident. It moved on for 25 years.

Some years moved faster than others.

Now, I live in the South of Taiwan. Hiking is my passion. I created the Southern Taiwan Hiking Group.

I also have a job I enjoy, in the South. Everything always seems better to me in the South.

I often look back on my time living near Taipei. I often think I hated every second if it.

I always just thought I have to get through this. I rarely hiked when I live near Taipei.

I know Taipei has great hiking trails. I know Taipei has great restaurants, bars, and people. I also like all of those things.

Today, I walked around Taipei after performing in a stand up comedy show. 

Last night, I used an umbrella for a microphone.

Last night, I didn't sleep in my bed at the hostel.

I usually use a stick for a microphone. 

I use the same stick from A Man & His Stick Walking The 9. I am emotionally attached to this stick.

Last night,  I forgot my stick at the hostel. 

Last night, I walked around for 25 minutes in Taipei. I couldn't find a stick.

No available sticks pissed me off. Not being In the South pisses me off.

In the South, I can always find a stick.

Today, I walked around Taipei with my stick. 

People looked at me funny. 

People really looked at me funny when I had my stick in the Taipei 101 shopping center.

I also wore khakis and sandals, along with my Cambodia beer t-shirt. 

 I didn't have to look at myself in the mirror. I knew bags were under my eyes.

 I knew the gray hairs on my right side burns were making elephant wings.

I kind of wanted to roll up my pants.

My dad's words popped in my head.

The words were, I like Chris Berman so much because he seems like an interesting guy to drink a beer with.

Chris Berman was a famous ESPN sports announcer with a unique style.

After my dad's words sunk in, I saw a ripped up dude with glasses carrying a shopping bag. The bag was white. The bag should have been pink.

I started making jokes in my head about having a conversation with this guy about my stick. 

Ripped up dudes carrying a shopping bags in Taiwan is a part of life.

I realized I was making fun of him just to be funny. 

I stopped.

I carried on with the rest of this day.

Last night, I was stickless, and paid 220 NT (7USD) for a can of beer. 

Last night , the 220 NT can of beer pissed me off. 

So, I bought draft beer.

I paid 320 NT (10USd) 

I could never be a hipster.

Today, I made another mistake. I went to Gordon Biersch Brewery for lunch.

With elephant side burns and bags under my eyes, a grilled cheese sandwich and French fries looked good.

The grilled cheese sandwich, cold fries, and coke costed 550NT.(18USD) 

The sandwich sucked. The service was worse.

With 550 NT cold and shitty lunches, rip off draft beers, and expensive beer cans, Taipei will never steal my heart.

It's not Taipei's fault. I make better choices when I am in the South.

I am happy the South is no longer an unobtainable mystery.

Thanks for listening.