Bullshit News in Taiwan: Global Jeff- Is He A Glorified Babysitter or a Real Teacher?

Global Jeff- A World Renowned Crybaby

The two-time defending Champion of The World's Most Annoying Co-Worker Award, Global Jeff, cried
in front of six year old kids yesterday. Our reporters  at Bullshit News in Taiwan were fortunate enough
to witness the entire fiasco.

''Well, bawling is better than what he did last week. For the school picture, when everyone was
supposed to make a funny face, he put up two middle fingers. The guy is so out of it that he didn’t
even know he did anything wrong. I suppose he has been abroad for too long."

Another one of his co-workers, a Taiwanese woman with a surname of Wu, told us, "He was crying?
Well. Good.  Because, just the thought of him talking to me makes me want to cry. He’s always on some
rant about globalization and engineering. First of all, the kids we teach can barely
engineer the necessary skills to take a crap.Also, I am one year away from retirement. Does he
really think I care about anything but getting out of this God Damn classroom?”

God Damn It- Global Jeff Is A Crybaby & A Thief

This infamous ESL teacher, Global Jeff, held a remarkable press conference yesterday afternoon. 
Much to Global Jeff's surprise. Bullshit News in Taiwan's lead reporter, Nardy Nicphearson was the
only member of the media to attend. However, three of his first-grade students snuck out of their own
classroom to come to see their teacher.

Upon entering the presser,, they shouted in unison, "When are you going to give us back our Play-Doh?."

Global Jeff- Can You Be Any More Dry in Your Delivery?

"Ladies and Gentlemen of The Press. After 15 years of preaching the importance of a global network
of classroom facilitators willing to prepare children for the global marketplace while utilizing engineering…”

Suddenly, the three first grade students that were waiting for the teacher to tell them whether or not
he was going to give them back their Play-Doh, started chanting in the local dialect of Taiwanese,
"BORING!" 

He continued to pound the four-person crowd with information about why he called this press
conference today. For some reason, he felt it was necessary to start by highlighting his ESL teaching
career. He blabbed about how he is a major force bringing globalization via engineering practices
to the ESL classroom in a manner that can only be explained as being drier than the Gobe Desert,
during its greatest drought.

Nardy Nichphearson had spent a long day already investigating this story. She desperately
did not want to have to work on the piece after leaving Global Jeff’s school.  While Global Jeff,
preached some more, she reviewed the notes from his colleagues. 

''Dude. When you go to that stupid press conference he called today, I bet $500 he will talk
about the importance of globalization, and some other crap about engineering. I asked him
once about how he got globalization from what we do, babysitting kids, and he said it was because
he was thinking of doing a Pen Pal project next year. Good luck with that one Pal. I asked one
of his sixth-grade students to write the alphabet on the board yesterday, and he drew a
picture of his dick.  “

”

 Suddenly, a miracle happened. Global Jeff stopped talking. As Nardy Nichphearson finally looked up
at Jeff, his eyes welled up with tears. From there, he took his prepared speech and crumbled it
into a ball. His toss ricocheted off the forehead of Ms. Nardy Nichphearson. She still managed
to keep her recorder going like a professional. 

Global Jeff Confesses His Secret to The World

M

“ You know what? I’m tired of living in a facade.  I must admit something. I haven’t done shit in
fifteen years. All I really did was steal a  box of legos fifteen years ago from a student when
I was teaching in Korea, and occasionally thought about starting a Pen Pal project.  And now I have
come here to Taiwan, and I am still talking about Globalization and the importance of
incorporating engineering into the ESL classroom. As my colleague Ms. Wu told me,   I am just a
glorified babysitter."

When asked for comment, the first graders in attendance nearly shorted the circuits
on Ms. Nicphearson’s cell phone with all the drool they let out of their teething mouths.
We took that as a, “No comment.”  

The Future for Global Jeff

At press time Global Jeff was allegedly taking a bubble bath while reviewing several pamphlets he
picked up today. One of them was from a multi-level marketing company in search of 
Globalization Managers in their Product Engineering Department. The other was about a
revolutionary new school that uses Play-Doh, instead of pens for writing.

Which direction will the two-time defending champion of The World’s Most Annoying Co-Worker
take next in his career?

For more Bullshit News, check back here tomorrow.