Bullshit News in Taiwan- 5 Reasons Why Han Kuo-yu Will Lose The Upcoming Election




Taiwan is bracing itself for the upcoming presidential elections in 2020. Currently, Taiwan News is reporting that the incumbent president, Tsai Ing Wen, is  experiencing a 38 percentage point lead in the polls. This survey was reportedly obtained via land-mine telephone calls. 
“The landline phone survey, the sixth related to the upcoming presidential election, was conducted between Dec. 14-15 by the association, which collected 1,074 samples.”
The question that we really need to ask is how the hell did they find 1078 people with a landmine.  
 After team Tsai ing Wen got the news that they are so far ahead in the polls, they took some time to brainstorm how they could solidify their spot as winner. It looks like her team was able to dig up a scandal on something that really matters to Taiwanese people, CONVENIENCE
The brilliant work done by her team discovered a list of 99 things that Han Kuo yu did that were inconvenient. This three page document called the Han Kuo-yu docket,  is expected to be hotter than the Hillary Clinton e-mail probe of the 2016 election in America.

Han Guo Yu’s Biggest Mistakes

The Controversy Starts Here
#5- In 2007, he mailed his Internet bill to the company, instead of taking it to 7-11 to pay it
#4 - On a nice Spring day in 2010, he allegedly walked to work to enjoy the sunshine.
#3- As recent as 2012, he was seen parking his scooter outside of 7-11 , in an actual parking space, instead of parking it on the sidewalk like almost every other person on this island does.
#2- He has also been allegedly seen taking the Taiwan Railway instead of the High Speed Rail when traveling from Taipei to Kaoshiung.
#1- And, the most inconvenient of them all, he brings his own chopsticks with him everywhere he goes.
Our Bullshit News Reporters took to the streets to interview the voters about Han Kuo-This is what they had to say.
 "What happened to the old days? When the politicians would just throw lunch boxes, fists, and fits, during their meetings? I mean, that was convenient, they fight right where they ate. Now, this guy is running around and doing crazy stuff like parking his scooter in parking spots"
"How could I trust a man to run our country who  doesn't even take the HSR?"
"If this guy is the boss, the next thing you know I will be getting a parking ticket for parking my scooter on the sidewalk?"
If this wasn’t bad enough, we had the chance to even get our readers one bonus teaser from the infamous Han Kuo-yu Docket.
#87- He doesn’t even have a LINE account.
We here at Bullshit News in Taiwan are predicting the lack of LINE will absolutely be insurmountable for his team to overcome.
For more bullshit news , check back tomorrow. 
"Same place. Different bullshit.”
‘

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