Bullshit News in Taiwan- The World's Worst Dude to Sit Next To on a Plane Smashes Another Record at the BRAND NEW Taipei Capsule Hotel



The Worst Interviewee Ever for Bullshit News In Taiwan


‘’I smash records.’’

This was the only quote that Airport Tyrell would give our lead reporter, Nardy Nichphearson at Bulllshit News in Taiwan, Ms. Nicphearson begged and pleaded with him while sipping over-priced airport coffee, 

‘’Mr. Airport Tyrell, not only have I had to smell the lingering mix of chocolate donuts and Cheetos on your breath for the last three hours, but I have even offered to buy you Burger King if you could please just say something other than that you smash records.’’

He responded...

‘’I smash records.’’

Mr. Aiport Tyrell was referring to the fact he holds many unwanted records in his dubious career as a traveling salesman. He seemed to be particularly proud of one particular record, ‘’The World’s Worst Dude to Sit Next to on an Airplane.’’

A Ten Year Streak

He started his ten year streak when he sat down next to a deaf guy on a plane trip from New York to London and kept on trying to practice sign language with the poor gentleman. Mr. Airport Tyrell, reportedly only knew three signs, hello, good morning, and the sentence , ‘’ I smash records.’’

Actually, at one point in the interview with our reporter, he did tell, Miss Nicphearson, ‘’I smash records, you can see me in the book, Records You Don’t Want, for the last ten years.’’

The Friendliest Country in The World Ejects The Always Annoying Mr. Airport Tyrell


Mr. Airport Tyrell’s newest record was that he was the first person to be ejected from Taipei’s first Airport Capsule Hotel. It was meant to be just a three hour stopover for him. But, he couldn’t stop annoying the other hotel customers in the shared relaxation quarters.

An unnamed victim of his ridiculously annoying actions said, ‘’I just came here to sleep for three hours. Then, I had this 500 pound dude sitting on my bed talking about how he should be the mayor of his town, and if he was the mayor of his town, his town would be smashing records. Every time I asked him what the fuck he meant he just told me that he smashes records. ‘’

Mr. Airport Tyrell’s stay in the Airport Capsule Hotel was forced to end when he asked a pissed-off businessman in the bed across from the hall from him if he wanted to go for the world record of most jumps on an airport bed without breaking the bed.

The also unnamed pissed off businessman said, ‘’I came in here so I could call my wife and bitch to her about the drink service in first class, and also occasionally shake my head at e-mails asking me to be at more meetings, and this nut-job kept telling me we could smash the world record for jumping on an airport bed without breaking it.  Every time I told him to get away from me, he just kept telling me that we could smash the record.’’

Apparently, the pissed-off businessman demanded Mr. Airport Tyrell be evacuated from hotel or he was going to post on his LinkedIn account for other people in the community to never stay at this hotel.

So, the manager didn’t want to feel the backlash of an angry online cyber mob, and made his first ejection from his new Airport Capsule Hotel.

We here at Bullshit News in Taiwan wish a hearty congratulations to Mr. Airport Tyrell for smashing another record.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Chinese is Not Always Easy

Image
By Joshua Dent WHAT??? "Taiwan, Why?" "Josh, You are going WHERE??" "TAIWAN??" "Don't you think you should know the language?!?" These were just a small sampling of the desperate pleas to get my attention before I left for "The Taiwan." They came from old bosses, family, and friends alike. I am certain I laughed them off, and shrugged my shoulders in my stoner voice with a prompt "It's cool man. I learned Spanish quick. I am sure I will learn Chinese." Learning Time I definitely came to Taiwan with a goal of being immersed as much as possible in the culture. This was to also include learning one of the world's most difficult languages. I got here with a fist full of apps on my I-phone and a box of 1990's style listen and repeat CD's. However, learning Chinese quickly seemed like an incredibly difficult task of where to even begin. Stubborn Ass To understand why I thought I could le...
Read more

Funny Father Sayings From "The Taiwan"

Image
By Joshua Dent Best Dad Quotes "I'm not going to a GOD DAMN museum!" Author (Dale "Larue" Dent)- Josh's father Let's also not forget the strong emphasis my dad placed as he grinded his teeth together when he got to the word, GOD. It took him much longer to say the word GOD, than the rest of the sentence. Dad Highlight Reel This quote mentioned above would probably go on my own personal "Dad highlight reel." It was one of the funnier ones he used to say. We always knew it was coming as kids anytime he got within 100 yards of a museum. This is especially hilarious because I don't think anyone in the Dent family ever ONCE, even hinted at the fact that we wanted to go to a museum. He was still so intent on the fact that he would not step foot inside a museum. I know it is hard to even understand this level of intensity over something so trivial. But, this is my father and that is why we love him. ha! His irrational hatr...
Read more

The Amazing Gift of The Waterfalls of Wulai

Image
Why I Travel "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." – St. Augustine Nine months ago, I lived on a beautiful 4 bedroom ranch with 2 acres of land in Phoenix, AZ. I gave that all up without hesitation for the name of travel and adventure. "Smile, Smile, Smile" Tonight, I am typing once again on the tiny foot stool-sized chair, and miniature desk in my very small Jhongli, Taiwan apartment. The only noise I can hear is the rattle of my ancient air conditioner that barely keeps the temperature tolerable. I am still feeling EXTREMELY fortunate I was given a gift yesterday about how precious life really is. I missed my 9:30 bus to a "river-tracing" destination of Wulai, and suddenly felt like the world was going to end. My face mimicked the face of when I was a 13 year old boy and my mom told me I had to turn off "Tecmo Bowl" to work on homework. I was pissed! It all worked out ok...
Read more