Bullshit News in Taiwan- The World's Worst Dude to Sit Next To on a Plane Smashes Another Record at the BRAND NEW Taipei Capsule Hotel

The Worst Interviewee Ever for Bullshit News In Taiwan

‘’I smash records.’’

This was the only quote that Airport Tyrell would give our lead reporter, Nardy Nichphearson at Bulllshit News in Taiwan, Ms. Nicphearson begged and pleaded with him while sipping over-priced airport coffee, 

‘’Mr. Airport Tyrell, not only have I had to smell the lingering mix of chocolate donuts and Cheetos on your breath for the last three hours, but I have even offered to buy you Burger King if you could please just say something other than that you smash records.’’

He responded...

‘’I smash records.’’

Mr. Aiport Tyrell was referring to the fact he holds many unwanted records in his dubious career as a traveling salesman. He seemed to be particularly proud of one particular record, ‘’The World’s Worst Dude to Sit Next to on an Airplane.’’

A Ten Year Streak

He started his ten year streak when he sat down next to a deaf guy on a plane trip from New York to London and kept on trying to practice sign language with the poor gentleman. Mr. Airport Tyrell, reportedly only knew three signs, hello, good morning, and the sentence , ‘’ I smash records.’’

Actually, at one point in the interview with our reporter, he did tell, Miss Nicphearson, ‘’I smash records, you can see me in the book, Records You Don’t Want, for the last ten years.’’

The Friendliest Country in The World Ejects The Always Annoying Mr. Airport Tyrell

Mr. Airport Tyrell’s newest record was that he was the first person to be ejected from Taipei’s first Airport Capsule Hotel. It was meant to be just a three hour stopover for him. But, he couldn’t stop annoying the other hotel customers in the shared relaxation quarters.

An unnamed victim of his ridiculously annoying actions said, ‘’I just came here to sleep for three hours. Then, I had this 500 pound dude sitting on my bed talking about how he should be the mayor of his town, and if he was the mayor of his town, his town would be smashing records. Every time I asked him what the fuck he meant he just told me that he smashes records. ‘’

Mr. Airport Tyrell’s stay in the Airport Capsule Hotel was forced to end when he asked a pissed-off businessman in the bed across from the hall from him if he wanted to go for the world record of most jumps on an airport bed without breaking the bed.

The also unnamed pissed off businessman said, ‘’I came in here so I could call my wife and bitch to her about the drink service in first class, and also occasionally shake my head at e-mails asking me to be at more meetings, and this nut-job kept telling me we could smash the world record for jumping on an airport bed without breaking it.  Every time I told him to get away from me, he just kept telling me that we could smash the record.’’

Apparently, the pissed-off businessman demanded Mr. Airport Tyrell be evacuated from hotel or he was going to post on his LinkedIn account for other people in the community to never stay at this hotel.

So, the manager didn’t want to feel the backlash of an angry online cyber mob, and made his first ejection from his new Airport Capsule Hotel.

We here at Bullshit News in Taiwan wish a hearty congratulations to Mr. Airport Tyrell for smashing another record.