Bullshit News In Taiwan -Could It Be Love At First Choke For Jiu-Jitsu Bob?

"Some people like booze, drugs, and sex, when they are feeling down. Getting choked out is way better. For bonus points, the dude that chokes you out usually apologizes, instead of having to spend half your day apologizing for all the stupid shit you did the night before like when I used to blackout from drinking."

After talking to our reporters, a depressed Jiu-jitsu Bob set up a Choke-Me-Stand outside of the Taipei Main Station yesterday to help turn his shitty holiday season around. If having to come into work early on Christmas day wasn't shitty enough for him, his Taiwanese girlfriend, Marge, dumped him on Christmas Eve. Going to his regular gym to ask some of his bros for a Christmas choking was not plausible since his now ex-girlfriend, Marge, a fellow jiu-jitsu practitioner could be at the gym working out.

The relationship was going fine until the day before Christmas eve. The young couple was having a lovely night at home when Bob initiated a bit of holiday fornication.  The foreplay started with what is called in the underground world of kinky sex among jiu-jitsu couples as a Jumping Rear Mount. That is when the man needs to put on a white robe with a Kermit the Frog decal on the back, and the woman wears a skimpy white robe with a Miss Piggy decal. From there, the woman pretends to be riding the man like a cowboy as the man leapfrogs all around the kitchen. Unfortunately for Bob, he forgot to finish off the foreplay by saying, " How do you like my ribbit, bitch?"  in his sexiest Jean Claude Van Damn voice.

When interviewed by Bullshit News in Taiwan, Marge told our reporters, "Ya' know I can put up with a lot. Sometimes he forgets to choke me out during sex, and there was a lot of other shit I didn't like about him. But, dude, you gotta know how to talk to me to get me going."

So, Bob thought he could cheer himself up by setting up a stand at the Taipei Main Station to let people choke him. Things took a dramatic turn for the worse for poor Bob,  when Taiwan's most famous pro wrestler,  Jumping Stinky Jimmy Tofu lined up first at the Choke-Me Stand. Jumping Stinky Jimmy Tofu's finishing move is that he verbally abuses his opponents while forcing them into a leapfrog while they bounce around the ring, and then when they are so tired that they can't move anymore, he uses his stinky-tofu infested hands to choke out his opponent.

Jumping Stinky Jimmy Tofu didn't take any mercy on Bob. Bob was forced to leapfrog his way up and down the stairs at Taipei Main station instead of a ring, for an hour and a half until he finally succumbed to a vicious chokehold from Jimmy Tofu.

"Dude, I just wanted to get choked. Now, my neck is going to smell like a sewer for the next three weeks. How am I going to get a rebound chick?"

Well, it's not all bad news for Jiu-Jitsu Bob. At press time,  his neck was in the hands of a beautiful young woman named Margie.

Could it be love at first choke?