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Welcome to Hugarita Island

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"I'm so hungry I could probably eat ten million peanuts right now," Eduardo the Elephant stamped his feet on the ground as he looked for food.

Eduardo the Elephant heard a noise coming over the hill, "Oink Oink !"

"I never ate a pig before, but it will work."

Eduardo the Elephant got within striking distance of Bob The Pig when he suddenly remembered something. On their home of Hugarita Island, all creatures are mandated by law to stop and hug each other seven times.

Eduardo the Elephant stamped his feet against the tree with a ferocious blast.

"Just once I would like to forget something. Well I might as well get this over with."

"Hey Bob the Pig. Come here and give me some hugs. Since it's the law and everything."

By the seventh hug, Eduardo the Elephant offered Bob the Pig to go to the bar he for Margaritas.

This happens eve

Please Send Thoughts and Prayers to Eddie Moon Pig Pie

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"Teacher, I'm tired of being bad at Math."

"Eddie Moon Pig Pie, you're going to have to kill off who you are now, if you want your life to be any different."

Mrs. Mary Affirmationstein was notoriously known throughout  Steinville Elementary School for Moon Pig Pie Children, as being the teacher that reads way too many self-help books.

One time  another student, Freddy Moon Pig Pie came to her crying that one of the boys had doused his eyes with lemons, and all she said was , "What a wonderful opportunity. Life has given you lemons. We must make lemonade at once!"

But, now she has taken things too far. She has loaded Eddie Moon Pig Pie's gun with magical killer BB gun bullets, and she is telling him that it is best that she kills off who he is now, and he will thank her some day.

RIP Uncle Bill

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This picture reminds me of my Uncle Bill. He was a true Wild Man, that was taken from us too soon in a horrific car crash in the mid 80's.

Let's just say the year was 1986. Whiffle ball, miniature golf, and a whole lot of ice cream were all a part of our daily summer ritual.

Once in a while, we got an extra summer treat. We got to go over to Uncle Bill and Aunt Kathy's house.

Uncle Bill was the closest thing to a stand-up comedian to me. He would make me laugh harder than I thought was possible for hours on end.

To make it even better, a lot of his jokes and clowning around involved the middle finger, and cursing. He was literally a hero to me.

On one particular night, I had pestered my dad into playing a game of catch while Uncle Bill went in the house for a minute.

"Dad, where did Uncle Bill go?"
"Who knows Boy?"

As we continued to toss the ball back and forth under a dusky sky, Uncle Bill came out of the house with a beer in one hand, as he pushed t…

If you're a horse, and you want to be a dog, don't give up on your dreams!

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All the other dogs in Sammy The Dog's pack, used to call him, "Sammy The Horse. "

Sammy The Dog used to get so angry when his pack mates called him Sammy The Horse, that he would take his owner's favorite breakfast, oatmeal, and throw it at the other dogs.

One day his friends were stuck to the floor.  This was because he threw oatmeal all over the floor. From there ,he tried to get up Sun Ladder. And suddenly, all the fish in the sky yelled, "Look at the fat horse."

After that, he quit climbing Sun Ladder.

Sammy made the fatal mistake so many of us do, when we are so close to achieving our dreams. He quit climbing sun ladder just because someone mocked him. He would have got all the way up the ladder, and been up on the sun, he definitely could have been a Sun Dog.

But, he quit.

So, if your dreams is to be something you are not now, don't quit like Sammy.

My First Day Teaching in Taiwan

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Today, I tell the story of my first day teaching in Taiwan.

One of the most exciting things about teaching to me, was I was going to have the opportunity to do things my way. I sat on my bed the night before my first day of work. This was my first time ever teaching small children. I completely lied on my resume and said I had experience teaching little kids.  But, I thought of an idea of how I wanted to teach the ABC's to my first class, the next day. The school had already told me that I would be teaching a small class of five year olds.

I thought I could have them bounce the NBA-sized basketball back and forth to each other as they practiced their ABC's. Before they got to H, a clever little boy named Kai Kai had his chubby classmate , Jerry in a headlock. Jerry's sister cried in the corner, as  my boss paced hysterically outside the room.

I felt like a lot of things. I never found the right words to describe it. Was it like a dog that doesn't know how to catch a b…

Don't Take Travel Advice from Freddy Big Tits

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Todd The Engineer  Listened to the Wrong Man
Meet Todd. Todd goes to work every day as an engineer. His hobbies include eating tacos from Macho Tacos, and staring at tits.  But, the one thing Todd likes more than staring at tits and eating Macho Tacos, is his annual vacation to SE Asia. He starts counting the days until his summer vacation shortly after New Year's day.

Last year was unfortunately the last of Todd's SE Asia summer vacations. He went to a country you probably never heard of, Fredina Small Tits. His colleague from San Diego, Freddy Big Tits, the coolest dude ever recommended it to him.

Freddy Big Tits had gone to a rare island a few years ago in the Philippines, called Lola Rocket Tits.

The island of Lola Rocket Tits' name had nothing to do with a woman's breast. The name originated when Freddy Big Tits' traveling pal, Johnny Melons-Sucker liked the previously un-named island so much that he kept saying, ''Bruah, this place is Lola Rocket Tits…

Don't Cut The Lines Straight

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Don't Cut the Lines Straight! 



WTF is This? Welcome to my first edition, of hopefully many short stories, with a cartooned picture, made from markers,  paint pens, MS Paint, and a few photo edits on the computer.

The Story Here I am. I'm five years old. I live on Filetown Road, in Nazareth, PA. My biggest worry is that my teacher yelled at me last week for not cutting the lines straight on my American flag.For thirty three years after that, I never drew another picture. So, today, I remember something else. My brother, my dad, and I, went to the pond one afternoon for fishing. I liked paddling the canoe, but I didn't like getting my line tangled. Thirty six years later, I like to paddle a kayak, and a surfboard. But, I don't like to fish.