One Year in Taiwan, The Good, The Bad & The Why (Part 2)

Deafening Silence & A Visit With My Arch Nemesis (ZBlanco)

Introducing

Popfree Insurance- the bullshit name I am giving my former employer

ZBlanco- call center (Popfree Insurance) supervisor, overly metro, married MBA guy, Mexican American.  ZBlanco  called everyone by their work id name. I returned the favor by naming him ZBlanco.

JDent- my work id name at Popfree Insurance

Let's talk.

The Hey Buck, You should be a teacher conversation, never disappeared inside my head.

However, 2 years raced past me.

The sun shined outside. The sun always shined in Tempe, AZ.

Inside Popfree Insurance (my fake company Name), we couldn't see outside.

My collared sailor shirt covered my top half.

The sailor shirt was #5 in the rotation. 

My ex thought I looked hot. I thought gay. She bought the shirt.

Today, I also wore a belt. Today, I combed my hair. (unusual for me).Today, I tucked my shirt in.

Today, I left my shoe-laces undone, AGAIN.

My cubicle phone rang. The silence scared me. The phone sounded as quiet as heaven would. I don't know what heaven sounds like. I guessed.

My arch nemesis, ZBlanco, sat across from me in a small swivel chair. 

I didn’t exactly put a voodoo spell on my arch nemesis, ZBlanco (fake name).

Still, he broke my balls about work. He got under my skin. Even if he was nice, I never knew what his intentions were.

ZBlanco ran weekly reports that showed our bathroom time, in the call center.

His boss (the lady who called me)  sat to Zblanco's left, in a much nicer chair. She always looked calm and quiet.

The JDent Enigma

I named her Boston Mary.  

Boston Mary tipped the measuring sticks at about 5’0.

Boston Mary’s husband died on a Friday.

Boston Mary flew from Phoenix,AZ, back to Boston on a Friday. Boston Mary returned to work on Monday.  Death did not slow down Boston Mary.

Staring at ZBlanco (supervisor), and Boston Mary, a pile of shit hovered over my head.

Boston Mary, and ZBlanco, prided the team on fun.

They never wanted to write an employee up.

They both called me, JDent, the enigma.  

I was an over-qualified visionary taking abusive phone call, after abusive phone call, sitting next to single mothers, and community college dropouts.

I didn’t mean to knock these people. We just led entirely different lives.  They wanted to raise a family and die. I wanted to see the world.

I constantly had ideas to improve the team. I constantly brought the team down with my sloppiness.

I mystified Boston Mary, and ZBlanco. 

Boston Mary- No Time For Death, Definitely No Time For Small Talk

Boston Mary & ZBlanco skipped the small talk.

They tag-teamed me. They found a file I worked.. 

I incorrectly logged a customer’s phone number. It sounds harmless. I  had been warned about this over 12 times.

Offense #13 set Boston Mary & ZBlanco over their limit.

ZBlanco ranted for 10 minutes.  He told me I was going to get myself fired.  I stopped listening.

Zblanco continued ranting.

I could still see Zblanco’s lips moving.  I couldn’t hear anything.

Boston Mary interlocked her fingers. She held onto her silver magic $50 pen.  She occasionally nodded her head yes as ZBlanco talked.

Boston Mary’s nod told me to shut the fuck up, nod my head yes, and be done with this.

My gaze locked onto the palm tree outside Boston Mary’s office. ZBlanco kept talking. I tried to look so far past as ZBlanco continued ranting.

I could have been in there for an hour. I just kept looking further and further. 

Boston Mary's magic pen returned.

Boston Mary told me to sign my write-up sheet.

JDent Enigma Was One Step Past Boston Mary & ZBlanco

At the time, I was less than one year removed from completing a half-iron man in sandals and a mountain bike..

6 months ago, I booted my first true love. I ordered her  and her daughter to pack their shit. 

My first true love cheated on me with a 225 pound African American minister guy. My first true love was an Atheist. 

My first true love used to go see her fat soon to be husband while I babysat her daughter.

At the time, I  watched the move The Hangover for 97 days in a row before bed.

Boston Mary & ZBlanco knew the JDent enignma. They thought.

Wounds lingered from getting ditched for a fatass, by a psycho (with a kid) 

The Hangover did not heal the wounds. 

I began a journey of personal growth. The shift began  

I practiced Bikram Yoga.

Self-help authors,  Louise's Hay and Eckhardt Tolle's books talked to me  Their words ignited healing.

I began work with my informal mentor Exec Tom. His name was Tom.

Corporate Dress Up Day Short Sleeve Shirts, & Gumby Ties 

,
Exec Tom came to my house in Phoenix, AZ. This happened before I met Boston Mary's magic pen. 

In Phoenix, AZ, I lived next to crack heads. The crack heads smoked absurd amounts of meth. I never what I would see outside their house.

I only paid $400/month rent. The crackheads never bothered me. I deemed the living arrangements suitable.

Exec Tom came to my door. We needed to discuss plans for a trip to the Telluride Bluegrass Music Festival.  

I had just finished a session with a 3 foot high particular glass apparatus. You blow smoke out of this 3 foot high particular glass apparatus. 

I hadn't changed yet from work. I looked confused to Exec Tom.

Exec Tom looked at me. 

Exec Tom wasn't your typical douchey Exec. 

Exec Tom talked like a California surfer, without the word bro. He gave nicknames to a lot of stuff. He suffixed most words with -ski . "You got a  hunski? " Hunski= 100 dollar bill.

Exec Tom countered my confusion with a straight look. 

Exec Tom asked, "What did you do? Did you wake up , and decide to GO FOR IT? "

Go for it= Wear A Gumby Tie

I usually laughed when Exec Tom spoke. Silence ensued.

Exec  Tom said, " I mean the Gumby tie. "

"You just woke up, and decided I am wearing a Gumby tie. You wanted to GO FOR IT "

Then, I remembered I was wearing a Gumby tie. 

Ole Hermie- " So, I See Ya Got a Beard There..""

I sounded like a boogie boarder out of water. 

I told Exec Tom about the reason for my Gumby tie--Corporate Dress Up Day.

Some Chicago VP's arrived to spend the day working side by side with us. So, I had to wear a tie.

I still seemed oblivious to the fact that I was wearing a short-sleeve shirt, with this Gumby tie. 

The short-sleeve shirt looked like I found it crumbled up in a ball under my couch.

Exec Tom didn't  acknowledge my bumbed-outness. Exec Tom asked if anyone sat with me. 

I told him I had a VP from Chicago say hello, Herman Moore.  

Exec Tom further pried into my conversation with Herman Moore.

Exec Tom still had a straight face. 

At the time, I had a FULL-ON Jeremiah Johnson beard. Jeremiah Johnson is a TV show about a man who lived his whole life in the woods. He had a legendary beard.

I told Exec Tom that Ole Hermie (Herman Moore) looked a bit scared to come to my desk. 

Ole Hermie planned on sitting with me for a few hours. 

I freaked Ole Hermie out.

Ole Hermie, creeked towards my desk, and said "So..... I see you a got a beard there...."

Let's recap. Ole Hermie is a VP from Chicago at my work Ole Hermie fully suited up

Picture Jeremiah Johnson in a cube farm. Hold that thought. Now, put Jeremiah Johnson in a Gumby tie, and a wrinkled-up short-sleeve shirt.

Exec Tom lost his poker face. (to him)

Exec Tom & I erupted with roars of laughter.

Exec Tom told me I should have told him, " So, I see you're African American...."

We must have replayed that  line, " So, I see you got a beard there.." over 50 times that afternoon. Every time, we laughed harder.

Carry On- With or Without Your Gumby Tie 

I always amused Exec Tom.  Execs and married people often live vicariously through my carefree attitude. .

Exec Tom still knew something.  He should help me if asked.

Exec Tom & I started an informal mentorship before one week before ZBlanco started his rant in the office with Boston Mary.

Exec Tom always stayed consistent. Stay positive.

I felt determined not to be broken by ZBlanco. 

So, I carried on, without Gumby....

From Dead In The Water To Promotion (maybe)....

Exec Tom and I continued to chat regularly about staying positive. 

He led a management team. I took abusive phone calls. (in a different place) We still helped each other

For months, Exec Tom continued his encouragement.

,Exec Tom's encouragement, and my own will persisted

The Boston Mary magic pen afternoon blessed me with an unshakable determination.

I found myself waking up at 5:30 every morning. 

I didn’t just wake up.  I jumped out of bed. 

I attended comedy open-mics until 1 in the morning. Monster drinks at Quick Mart waited for me.

My Bikram Yoga class started at  6:00.  Class ran until 7:30

My stand-up comedy improved. Try writing funny about success. Good luck!

After yoga, I spent close to 30 minutes in my car every day. I read meditation exercises from Eckhardt Tolle’s book The Power of Now. 

I  visualized helping each customer more than the next.

Then, I wrote the phrase above, in my journal, at least 50 times. I pictured the help. I believed it.

I demolished every single company record. 

I even cleaned up in low bathroom time. I didn't want to miss a call.

When I ran out of records to demolish, I looked for more numbers, or more ways to improve the company.

Don’t forget one thing. 

I took abusive phone calls for $16/hr.

If a customer screamed, I listened.

I fixed their issue. ALWAYS

 Exec Tom advised me about dressing the part..

I spent $250 on pants, shoes, and shirts.  I acted more like Exec Tom.

I wore the dress shoes to walk my dogs at night. I wore dress shoes around the house. I always wore a belt.

My call center nightmare turned pleasant. 

Promotion- Shoveling Bullshit Sandwiches

Homeowner's Insurance Adjuster - helps customers with damage on their house. 

Homeowner's Insurance Adjusters tell the customer if the Insurance Company can pay the customer money for damage to their home.

A promotion opportunity arrived. 

Popfree Insurance needed a new Homeowner's Insurance Adjuster. (see above)

Homeowner's Adjusters shovel bullshit sandwiches.

.

***---Casual talk/ not paying/ compliment = Bullshit Sandwich.

This opportunity burned a fire of opportunity in my mind.

I thought I finally cracked this code to Corporate America.

14 years of working jobs I didn’t want, and at least I was finally going to win at something.

I nailed the interview with 6’5 DSmith.  

DSmith adjusted insurance claims for over a decade. He came home every night to two kids, and a wife. 

DSmith & JDent , the enigma, connected on a personal level. 

I worked on our company's Spanish line. This blew away DSmith. I also studied Japanese.

I lacked experience in Homeowner's claims. DSmith didn't seem to care.

JDent, Billing & Claims, A Recipe For Disaster

The third week passed. My gut turned. I convinced myself the job was not mine. 

My stress level increased. I made a fatal error. 

In this joy and gallivanting of I’m Josh Dent the most positive person on earth, I basically took on a second job for no extra money. 

My job now consisted of talking to people, in Spanish (my second language) that had just been in a car accident, or gotten fucked over by our billing department. 

I volunteered myself to be trained in the second job. One job (I thought) didn't push me far enough. That was fucking dumb.

ZERO customers called to thank us for sending them their bill. Happy customers still had to navigate our 1980's style automated voice response system. Happy customers wanted to uppercut puppies by the end. 

My work slipped a bit. I stopped meditating before work.  I dreaded coming to work.

Promote Me- Yes or NO???

I couldn’t take the suspense anymore. Did I get the promotion?

I  wanted to win at Corporate America. I lost for 14 years before that.

I fired off an e-mail to old GBlanco for a decision.

I had many complaints at Popfreee Insurance. The company promised an answer one week earlier. I didn't like this.

ZBlanco knew my personality quirk.

Today, I swapped khakis and shoes, for jeans and tied sneakers, in my wardrobe.

ZBlanco felt the slight slip. 

Two terrible jobs for the price of one beat me down.

ZBlanco motioned for me to come to the conference room.

Zblanco and Jdent walked to the conference room many times. 

The conference room previously held a black cloud over me.  

He normally brought me in there to tell me things like, tie your shoes, tuck your shirt in, aka get your head out of your ass.

DSmith Loved You, But.....

Today, we strolled as pals. In the previous 6 months, I confided in him. I told him my goals, and aspirations. I actually e-mailed him with my daily goals.  I e-mailed him daily results of these goals.

He concocted his bullshit sandwich. 

He opened with some casual conversation about my weekend. He kept the conversation light. 

As my mom said, during that period of my life, I always loved the fun little boy I  was, but I was becoming a man. I no longer hated this guy. 

As I came into the room with my hook on my sailor shirt (shirt #5) undone, sneakers untied,  I still arched my chest high as I walked. I still swaggered.

The conference room lights flickered.  He gestured for me to sit down. He mindfully glued the flow of conversation

He had to let loose. 

DSmith  absolutely loved you. 

At the last second, a guy with 20 years of freaking experience interviewed for the same job. 

DSmith wanted to go with you. He just couldn’t. He knew I was pissed. Gblanco thought I was more pissed off than I was.  Exec Tom would have said to stay positive. So, I thought I must stay positive.

JDent- The Enigma -- What is your plan?

ZBlanco popped those big brown eyes over his glasses.  ZBlanco's cologne reeked. His checkered shirt was perfectly buttoned, and perfectly ironed. What’s the Josh Dent plan? I thoroughly enjoyed that he no longer called my by my username.

He feared me. 

My talent inspired team ZBlanco. My dark side sunk team ZBlanco..

I shook my head 3 times. I knew the question. 

“What do you mean?”

Oh come on ZBlanco. Can't I pout for a moment? I knew what he was digging at

I mean, “What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to do here at Popfree Insurance?” 

He strategically placed that question. 

At that time in my life, that question sent me into crisis mode.

Oh fuck here we go. I regurgitated the same answer I always did, “ I want to work hard. I want to advance my career here.”

ZBlanco called bullshit. 

Fair play.

He asked,  Really?? 

 He sounded like a California Valley girl.

ZBlanco fiddled his fingers. He looked over his left shoulder. He looked over his right shoulder. He looked high and low for watchers and listeners.

He proceeded to launch into ---

Rant #1.  

“ As your manager, I shouldn’t say this.  Let’s think. The company is less than 5 years old. Major growing pains lie ahead. The company is not growing like we originally though it would.  Even if you stay,  and you’re able to stay focused while you get bombarded with Jose Gonzales III (fake customer names) hammering you with insults and annoying phone calls for 8 hours a day, 

You’re looking at maybe one bump up the ladder in 2 years. Then, you’re an adjuster and you’re basically doing the same thing you are now, but with even more stress. I know you Josh Dent. You are a true visionary. I know that this is not good enough for Josh Dent. You should be a freaking manager somewhere.  I know it. Seriously, DUDE, Josh Dent think about this again. I’m going to ask you again. What do you want to do? What does Josh Dent want to do? “

I liked he called me Josh Dent. 

My ex girlfriend once told me she didn’t PMS. I responded asking her to move in. I believe too much. 

 If your personal trainer tells you he rides his exercise bike with no seat to motivate you, you can call bullshit, or you can use his funny story to help motivate you. I choose option B.

I asked for time to sort this out. ZBlanco pressed further.

I responded with a secret. Nobody in the world knew this secret. I just dished out my biggest secret to my biggest enemy. (sort of)

He proceeded to launch into 

Rant #2.  

“That’s freaking great. If that’s what you want to do. We (Boston Mary & ZBlanco)  will support that 100%. DUDE, Josh Dent, I’m telling you if you need to go over and spend 6 months on a farm picking mangoes with freaking monks, then Josh Dent, DUDE, you need to spend 6 months on that farm, picking mangoes with freaking monks.. 

I don’t care if you end up in freaking China, or wherever you freaking end up. You need to freaking do it. Seriously DUDE, just buy that plane ticket, and make it happen. DUDE, Just freaking do it!!!

I smiled a lot. We talked a little more. 

Eventually, we strolled out of the conference room again together. 

We didn't hold hands.

We knew we would never slug brewskis together. We knew we would never watch football together. We still had a heightened sense of respect for one another. 

We fist-bumped.

We continued on with our day. We acted like the conversation never happened.

ZBlanco's Motive

I will never know ZBlanco's motive.   

I suspect , at first, he just wanted me out. 

Then, he learned more about me than he expected to learn. So, he boarded the JDent enigma train. 

He knew his path. He wanted me to know my path.

Am I right? I don't know. 

The start of the vacation

Two days, and 187 pissed off phone calls passed. I guessed how many phone calls. 

Confusion and fear took over.

Customer service meditations evaporated. Passion faded  

Change loomed.

23 minutes before lunch, I marched back over to ZBlanco’s desk.

JDent: “Dude, how many days of vacation do I have left?

Post fist-bump life with ZBlanco became much more casual.

ZBlanco ”Let’s see. You have 5.

”JDent: “ Ok, I am leaving after lunch. I am not coming back for 5 days. Remember that thing (Taiwan) we talked about? I got to sort this out.”

ZBlanco:  Laughing “Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?”

JDent: “I got to sort this out. See you in 5 days.”

ZBlanco: “Ok. Go! “

Thanks for listening.

To Be Cont'd....

Tomorrow, find out where my car took me.  Tomorrow, tragedy strikes Eric Kelly (the mad pacer)