Your Guide to a Terrible Rainy Day in Taiwan

An Expat in Taiwan who doesn't like rainy days
1.) It all starts with a ridiculously early wake-up: Wake up before sunrise if you want to have a terrible rainy day in Taiwan. That's right.  You gotta get up before the sun to make this day truly suck. You want this day to really drag on as long as possible. Having a completely terrible rainy day in Taiwan is not easy work man.



Taiwan's 7-11 Sandwiches tasting like cardboard
2.) Head to one of Taiwan's 7-11's for breakfast- Ok. You're up early enough to piss of a monk. In the dark and in the rain, you remember that you're practically like a Chinese language master. That is because you can tell the lady at 7-11, 'Hot."  With rain pounding on your shoulders while gradually leaving you smelling like a wet dog for the rest of the day, you can now take advantage of your mad Chinese skillz. Forget all about the the delicious cheese dan bing; and all the other tasty breakfast choices in Taiwan. You need to go to 7-11 for a microwavable sandwich that tastes like cardboard.  After all, you need to go all in on your terrible rainy day in Taiwan.
Hamburger for breakfast in Taiwan
3.)Harass the employees at one of Taiwan's famous breakfast shops-  The rain, and life in general, are already making you miserable. You have been walking around the streets of Taiwan getting stared at for an hour in the rain before you even had time to make this day suck. To match your defeated spirits, you smell like a wet dog. You know those Taiwan hamburgers that drive you mad because they are eaten for breakfast with an egg on top? It is now your time for redemption.  You can head to the breakfast shop to demand that your hamburger comes without eggs. Just yell, "American Burger, not Taiwanese Burger!!" If they don't understand you, curse at them in Spanish.

A soon to be drunk Taiwanese grandpa

 4. Invite a sober Taiwanese grandfather to drink with you-  Your tab is already rolling at 7-11. It is on to the next part of the adventure. Nobody can pound the beers like Taiwanese grandpas: at least in my experience. If you really invite a sober Taiwanese grandpa to drink with you, that means you're going to drink about fifty beers before noon. It all starts by inviting him to sit down and have a chat with you. He will be clobbering you with beers before you can even blink your eyes.  You can get added bonus points if Grandpa only speaks Taiwanese. Add ten more points if he regularly insists on explaining to you that Taiwan is not China. You are well on your way to a truly terrible rainy day in Taiwan.


Nothing like watching Bingo, Online! Terrible Taiwan Rainy Days:)

5. Time to head home to your Taiwan apartment to freak out your neighbors- Once Grandpa has annoyed you with his set order of questions; where are you from?/ are you married?/ what's your job?/ how much money do you make?/ can you use the chopsticks?/, you are free to return home. You and Grandpa are probably already on beer number thirty-five by now anyway. So, you stumble back to your apartment looking for the next adventure. The next idea suddenly will fit perfectly with your terrible rainy day in Taiwan.  Well, the only thing worse than playing Bingo would be to watch it, Online. Guess what? It's time to go to YouTube to watch a live stream of old people  playing Bingo in Germany.  When somebody gets Bingo, you must yell at the top of your lungs, "Yahtzee!"

Terrorizing FB on a Terrible Rainy Day in Taiwn

6. Become a Taiwan FB Social Justice Warrior- Your Tai Ke (Taiwanese Gang) neighbor has probably already threatened to choke you within a second of your last breath since you keep screaming every time somebody gets Bingo. You better stop making so much noise. OK.  Now, you can head to FB. You can begin randomly commenting on FB status updates; "I'm offended!"
 
          Example Friend's FB Status Update:  It's a rainy day here in Taipei.What's everyone up                                                                                    to   today?

                                               Your FB comment: I'm offended!
           
             Example Friend's FB Status Update:  Hey everyone, check out my wedding photos.

                                                 Your FB comment: I'm offended!




Finish you Terrible Taiwan Rainy Day w/ a Life Coach Coaching Session


For more poor life choices, you can book a life coach coaching session with Taiwan Is Easy via Skype. You need to give your credit card number before the appointment will be accepted. Prices will be discussed after Taiwan is Easy charges your credit card.

 ---By the way, I by no means condone harassing the breakfast shop employees. I also don't want your credit card number. ---



       ***Images taken from shutterstock- a free source for sharing photos available to everyone. ***

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