A Hot Date With Ramen Noodles



Riding my bike through Douliou.

"Damn it! Nothing sounds good."

Even my eyes twinged, with hate.

"Jesus. I can't wait for vacation."

Then, I saw a picture of a boiling pot of eggs and noodles, and a big number fifty on it.

"Must be the Ramen Noodle place. But, at least it's cheap. "

I stood in front of the door for a longggg minute as I remembered back to a simpler, and somewhat less hateful time.

I was dating a girl who insisted one day that we go for Ramen Noodles in the Taipei Train Station.



I recalled thinking before we went,

“What a stupid idea. Food is always more expensive at the train station, but not better. And, you want to pay good money for Ramen Noodles? How moronic can you get?”

I had a somewhat happier thought.

“Ramen Noodles – Adrian Kulp, and his blog Dad or Alive. “

“Why the hell do I think of Adrian, my college friend every time I see Ramens? I literally never saw him, nor hear him, talk about Ramens?”

“But, his name is always the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word Ramen Noodles.”


Apparently, I wasn’t done being annoyed.

“The only bigger rip-off right now would be Hot Pot.  The Bill Burr Joke about having to ring up your own groceries is so true. "


Soup!

" Not to mention, soup is literally my God Damn arch enemy."

 It was still a hateful time. Who am I kidding?


Opening a Gourmet Fish Stick Boutique Would Be The Only Thing More Moronic Than an Expensive Ramen Noodle Restaurant

"Or, maybe I should open a fish stick restaurant? "

" If people like the God Damn novelty of cheap food that they used to eat in college so much,I can charge $15 a stick, an extra $5 to put it in the microwave yourself, and five more dollars if you want to wash my dishes. "

" Why not go all in? Charge an extra $25 if they want to stay overnight and do the cleaning."




I’m Not Done With You, Ramens

" The last Ramen Noodle place I ate at tasted like the tomatoes that were sprayed away by the fire company in the tomato fight in Spain I went to in 2001. 


Getting Ridiculed While Paying for a Meal I didn’t Want

"Who was that Ramen Noodles date with? Oh right, that American girl. 

"What was different about her?"

"Oh right, she used to lecture me every time we had our clothes on, about how she doesn't like white guys like me in Taiwan. "



































Getting Ramens, I  Didn't Want,With a Special One!

"I ain't no babysitter. I'm not going to be reading the menu for you."

"Sure, I know how to point and grunt at something." 

Two minutes passed.  She batted her eyelashes. 

She remembered I was paying.

"Well , whatcha ya in the mood for?" 

The food she ordered for me, came out.

Even If I Was Paying, She NEVER Shut Up!

"Oh you're a mess. You don't even hold your chopsticks right."

"God. I just can't date a culturally insensitive white guy like you." 

 She batted her eye lashes after she remembered something again.

"Sugah. Give me some money, and I'll go pay the waitress." 


Eventually I realized, the Ramens still sounded better than lunch box.

Been here too long

"Nothing sounds good right now, food, memories, women, hiking, nothing. "
"Except summer vacation. Oh, right? Only two more months." 
"Six months is my max time of not travelling, and staying sane.". 

Warning Signals of Why I Can't Even Decide Where I Want to Eat

I remembered twenty four hours ago. When I was putting the front tire back on my bike, and I realized the new piece I bought to put the tire back on didn't fit, I found myself literally yelling at the top of my lungs "Fuckin* Cun*."

But, then, instead of shaming myself for being angry, or being disappointed with myself for using such harsh language, or being ashamed that I further constructed the sentence I mentioned above, into a much longer and much more vulgar sentence, I suddenly found myself  smiling. 

It felt good. Because I realized I didn't hate the people and the memories I was screaming at. I was actually letting go.  So, I kept screaming and swearing for at least ten more minutes. My neighbors must have thought it was a song.  

Holy Shit. That was cool. 


So, all eight eyes locked on me after I grabbed the Ramen Noodles Menu that I still couldn't read six years after the first time I went to a Ramen Noodle Restaurant.. 

I grunted at a picture, and waited for my Ramens, with spite...


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