Terrible Tom The Expat : Ran Out of Stuff To Bitch About Before His Saturday Make-Up Day

 

 In a hunk of gossip that shattered miserable expats around the world, Terrible Tom The Expat has officially ran out of stuff to bitch about. He was a shining king of Expats that love to bitch, for over two decades.  Tom has been bitching about stuff since he was less than knee-high. His parents still tell a terrible story about how they worked overtime for three months to buy him a trip to Disney World as a young bitchy kid. Tom returned the favor by spending seven days griping that Mickey Mouse stole his nose. Tom told his Grandma and Grandpa when he returned to his hometown of Bitchville, " If I see Mickey again, I'm gonna sock him a good one. He took my nose, and he won't give it back."

   After a lifetime of bitching about stuff that he has absolutely no control over, Terrible Tom transcended himself into the perfect career for people that adore bitching so much. That is  a dead-end career of teaching ESL.

   His profound bitching has taken him to nine different countries. The wanderlust of travel usually only lasts the first three days in the new country.  He summarizes Korea like this, " The women only want an attractive & in-shape guy. So stuck up" If cornered by Terrible Tom in a bar, he would certainly tell you about his Bitching-Filled Excursions in the Philippines, " Not to brag or anything. But, I went to the Philippines three times in the last five years. That is because I am starting up a FB group called Expats that Like To Bitch About Everything on Vacation." The bitching doesn't stop there. He also concisely sums up his three years in China, " I'd rather have a three year old drive me to the hospital if needed. "

    Tragedy has struck Terrible Tom just before one of the most important days in his Taiwan life. This day is like the Christmas for foreigners that love to pointlessly bitch about stuff that is completely out of their control in this great island nation. Some of the bitchers even call it Super Saturday of Bitching. This is when foreigners who lead a life overflowing with undeserved privileges have to suck it up and work on a Saturday. They have to work on a Saturday because they are handed an extra day off the next week in exchange for the convenience of a four day holiday. It's kind of like if your coworker died, and they decided to divvy up his bonus check among employees, if somebody complained that it came a day later than expected.

   The end of a great run of bitching came to an end last night in Taipei. Tom had spent the night with a group of grouchy foreigners playing Euchre, while pointlessly bitching about everything. They bitched about their apartments being too small, the crazy old ladies on scooters, their landlords who don't speak English, their neighbors cooking oil, and the ever-popular bitching about having to be home to take the garbage out.  They even went as far as to bitch about the recent political elections in Taiwan that they have absolutely nothing to do with.

Then, the team of bitchers got to Tom The Terrible Expat's shining moment. Their illustrious leader was set to initiate the bitching about having to work on this upcoming, Super Saturday of Bitching. They were so sure that they he was going to tell his favorite joke about Super Saturday of Bitching , " I'd rather fist-fight a pack of hungry lions than show up at that lousy school on Saturday."  A sudden sinking feeling came over the table. They realized that their grand leader of bitching, Tom The Terrible Expat, had already bitched about everything there is to bitch about on this entire planet. He had done the previously impossible.

They immediately stopped the game. Reports have it that they all just sucked it up and went to work on Saturday. The whole crew is reportedly bitch-free for the last three days. Somebody!Help them find something to bitch about.