Mr. Jugs & His Inappropriate Boners

Dinner with Mr. Jugs

SOLVING MYSTERIES

You know who really sucks at four day weekends in Taiwan.

Of course you don't, I ASKED you the question....

Plop on your Sherlock Holmes hat and solve that shit.

SHOCKING NEWS

NEWSFLASH-Mr. Jugs sucks at four day weekends, an American divorcee in Taiwan.

Mr. Jugs also sucks at tying his shoes.

At least, he uses that excuse as to why he still wears velcro shoes at forty-five years old.

Mr. Jugs rocking in style

SEXY REMINDERS

Things have never been the same since his ex-wife, Mrs. Jugs, ditched him for Mrs. Muscles. He likes to tell people she is probably already divorced to help him cope with his pain. (Mrs..Jugs and Mrs. Muscles' scandalous love affair)

On a hot Friday night, Mr. Jugs swirled the last two drops of strawberry yogurt on the back of his dry tongue inside his favorite 7-11 in the town of Hen Bun, or Very Stupid (English Translation).  The mosquitoes kept him excellent company.

His rain-drenched Very Stupid Elementary School shirt stays wet inside the damp and cool 7-11.

More customers trigger the beep at the front door which also elicits a response of "Guan ying" or "Welcome," from the 7-11 employees, Tina & Ant.

The welcome makes him feel like somebody actually still gives a shit about his completely worthless existence that revolves around playing sticky ball with small children and occasionally telling them to shut the hell up.

Mr. Jugs spends all of his free time here since he doesn't want to catch himself waiting at the front door of his shoe-box apartment looking for his ex-wife to come back.

Mr. Jugs reflects on the fact that the 7-11 employee, Ant,  thinks of himself higher than he should with that stupid name.

The damp clothes on his back triggers memories of when Mrs. Jugs used to yell at him for never remembering to wear his rain coat. Suddenly, he feels a bulge coming from his pecker. What's worse is, he's wearing sweat pants and he wants to go home.

Sexy rain coat

A HAPPY YELLOW RISE

When Mr. Jugs isn't fantasizing about his ex-wife and how she use to nag on him, he tries to keep his spirits up in other ways.

Yellow is Mrs. Jugs' favorite color. So, he always buys the yellow container of yogurt for dinner at 7-11.

Yellow helps him numb the pain of eating dinner alone again for the 300th day in a row. The bright yellow, nor the stale taste in his mouth,  seemed to lift the spirits of Mr. Jugs on this rainy afternoon

The pitter patters of the rain against the front window in 7-11 only remind him of when Mrs. Jugs used to yell at him for living in such a shitty apartment that leaks during rain storms. His shaft rises again.

WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!

With  less company than a cricket at a David Letterman dance competition, and an irritating inappropriate boner problem,Mr. Jugs decides to head to the mountains tomorrow to go waterfall hunting.

He is kind of tired of having to deal with one human being per week that says hello to him. So, he thinks he needs some peace and quiet.

As he lays in bed, he has no idea what is about to happen.

His footy pajamas ruffle against the bottom of his athlete's foot.  A dream he had many of nights comes back tonight.

Earlier, he passes out on his favorite camping chair with a hole in the bottom of it. Mr. Jugs stoppe camping in 1997.

He dreams that M.C. Hammer breaks in his house.  Instead of asking M.C. Hammer a question like " Hey man what the hell are you doing in my house?" Mr. Jugs asks M.C. Hammer where he bought his wind pants.

Suddenly, M.C. Hammer tricked Mr. Jugs. M.C. Hammer said stop.

Quicker than MC Hammer could finish saying " Stop,Hammer Time,"  M.C. hammer knocks out Mr. Jugs with M.C. Hammer's boner.

When Mr. Jugs wakes up, he just think it is good that another person knows what it is like to not be able to wear sweatpants anywhere.

All pictures taken from Shutterstock:)