In Taiwan, Everything is Easy

---Things to note--- -- à GPS Parking (   22.59178, 120.93871) ------- à Bring beer ( Bar Beer ok to drink since you're not at the bar ) ----------------------- à  45 minute drive from Taimali train station via scooter (  Don't be a dick. I don't know the exact time.) --------------------- ------- > The hike- none --------------------------------- à It rains a lot here --------------------------------------> Non-nature shit really sucks around here George W. Bush might have been being attacked by an Iraqi reporter’s shoes ( spark memory here) the last time Jose Canseco caught a fly ball. Well, that is a fly ball that didn’t bounce off his head and into the stands for a home run. ( see here )   What's up with the pointless references? Here is another completely worthless reference.. In Taiwan, nobody usually hits a fly ball past the pitcher in P.E. class since they play with tees all the way to sixth grade.  . Ridiculous!...

By Joshua Dent Enter Taitung National Pre-History Museum By Hiding From Interacting with Others: Ask 100 Taiwanese people if Taiwanese people Taiwanese people are friendly. Surer than a bullshit sandwich from Trump when asked about failed campaigns promises, all 100 people will proudly agree. Hide from this friendliness.  Take a selfie:) After all, does asking every person you see if they are married qualify as friendly? :) Address Please: PLEASE!!!! Your Chinese teacher  told you she can understand your Chinese very well. She lied:) Give the cab driver your address.  If you can't find the address, just like Taiwan has cheese, Taiwan has this APP called Google. The Journey to the Taitung National Pre-History Museum: Tramp your way back in time. 7-11's & Family Marts are less common than temples without teethless men in these parts. As an added bonus, you can one up your annoying FB friend that hashtags every hamburger he eats...

The Beach: After Liyushan, go to the Taitung beach. Liyushan`s Least Wanted: White tops and bald ladies pierce your inner drum with horrible Karaoke. Your kid``s church choir group sounds like Beethoven compared to these microphone train wrecks. The Liyushan trail won't exactly win Lonely Planet's best unkept secret award. It still won't be nominated for The Shittiest Trail award. The nature and the stroll will make you smile. How to get here:  Spend most of your afternoon trying to go five minutes without staring at your phone on the long haul from pretty much anywhere else on this island. The annoying voice of your Taiwanese coworker who warned you " Taitung is too far ," will haunt most of your trip. Once you arrive in Taitung, look at Google to get to the trail, you fucking idiot:) The Tower Look at that view. What a picture that would make from the top!! Don't Frommer (travel guide) Jolly yourself too fast.  You can'...

How to get here : Be nice. We might send you the newest tracking APP. "You're still lost, DIPSHIT ! " With the APP, every time you even think about a wrong turn, Sexy Siri will be there to drop that self esteem one more notch. Bring a tissue. You don't want Sexy Siri to make you well up before you get off the highway. If the river of sadness puffs up those cheeks of yours, you can always turn up the music really loud and blame it on the damn pollution in Taiwan. Now, let's look at two of Taiwan's most annoying people and their relationship with Aboriginal culture. Male Expat Nobody Likes & His Passion to Play Dress Up You can find Male Expat Nobody likes roaming a park , while talking to himself. He usually has a gigantic dog , "to keep people from bothering him. " The drinks bulging his waste line may confuse you into thinking, his face has only been lightly poked with  disappointment. If you break up the conversation he was ...

Reviews on Taiwan's Shittiest Waterfall With Chinese New Year further away than most of us care to admit right now, it is still never too early to start thinking about what kind of adventures you want to get into over the Chinese New Year Holiday. Today, you can read the reviews of Baiyu Waterfall , on Taiwan's normally beautiful east coast. Reviewer #1-Boris from GeekinonFalls.com :  "  Not only did I waste an entire day trying to find this piece of shit; a monkey ran off with my camera while I was taking a shit in the water. I decided to take a shit in the water just in hopes that the stench from my shit would deter at least one person from wasting three minutes of their lives to walk to this shitty waterfall. People that do make it to the waterfall just stand there and say this waterfall really sucks. " Poor Boris.  An old lady seen dragging a mattress with her scooter later that day; also reportedly heard a rumor that Boris actually stole a Taiwan hiki...

The rider lugged the usual route of 25 km’s.  He made this one into 12 km’s. The km’s cover pineapple fields, public mango trees that the public may pick from during harvest time, and a temple on top of a hill.  With lack of exercise, the rider may walk up the hill some days, and make it up the hill on the second try other days.   With regular exercise, the rider may walk up the hill some days, and make it up the on the second try other days.  His bike is possibly as old as he is. This at least offers an excuse. One wheel laid under the rider’s ass. One wheel rider laid under his hands.  Giant Bicycle did not offer clients a method to propel the bike forward without the sweat, determination, and legs we all walk on, when this bike was made. The legs often take the rider to work when a change in the every-day routine is needed. The same feet that operate the gas and break on their way to Xinying Elementary School from Liuy...

My eyes still sloped towards the earth. My eyes sloped with conviction from the previous weekend.   And so on, and so on. As I sat last weekend, with the back of the rocks digging into my spine, the dirt attached in between my socks and my shoes, my shoes wet, and smelling like a concoction of stinky tofu & river sweat, I did not wish for a rest. I did not wish for a bar. I did not even wish for a cold Taiwan beer. The waterfall gushed from 20 meters ahead. Now, the events of the previous week pass by without much thought. The student who didn’t sing Heads & Shoulders Knees & Toes like I asked him to, didn’t seem to bother me as much. The pride I felt, of Danny the former hellion who never used to speak, having to be told he was singing B-I-N-G-O too loudly didn’t seem to matter The dry rocks can make your ankles twist with every step. The ankles and the knees only twist to a point of slight awkwardness. They never twist more than they s...