In Taiwan, Everything is Easy

The posse of thugs banged their walking sticks against the park benches. The gang leader tried to whistle, but misfired. "I remember when I could whistle, and the babes would come running. " "The good ole' days." He clapped his hands instead. "Ok gang." "You have a mission "Wake up that dirty old man."  "1kg of this Prunes Value Pack goes to the first person to get his eyes opened." Before the rest of the crew could process what was said,Old Lady Yu jumped off the park bench. She landed with her hips perfectly straddled over his face. The cane began to thump on the other park benches again in attempt to get him up. She popped her thumbs towards the sky. She silenced the crowd by unbuttoning her blouse. With the bag of prunes close enough for her to sniff them, she became frustrated that he wasn't even budging. " What's the matter? " "Not enough teeth left  to suck these deliciou...

"I'm an expert at eating chopsticks," this awkward greeting was delivered to over a dozen Taiwanese customers at Long Wong Long's Steak House on Zhongshan Road in Taipei last night. Things got really weird when an American comedian took the stage with a fuzzy microphone to try and tell jokes. A distraught grandmother who witnessed the debauchery named Mrs. Cheng, reportedly even attempted to stab him in the neck with her own chopsticks last night when the American comedian got in the way of her trying to put sprinkles on her ice cream cone.  She told our reporters; " I would have done anything just to shut that idiot up." She continued to scream at our reporters from Bullshit News in Taiwan . "God damn it, I just wanted to put some sprinkles on my ice cream cone, and before you knew it I had this drunk American guy in my face, with a fuzzy microphone telling me that he is kind of an expert at eating chopsticks. Oh, and he would occasionally scre...

Bullshit News in Taiwan got word of a shocking incident in the Taipei Prison last weekend. An Expat living in Taiwan, with the name of Terrible Tom was having a really rough time recently. His life became especially problematic when he ran out of things to bitch about a few months ago. ( Read the Tragedy of Terrible Tom here ) He apparently never recovered from this tragic incident, and even more importantly, he never found any productive ways to kill his excessive amounts of free time. Bitching about stuff seems to have been his only creative talent. Terrible Tom had taken to drinking copious amounts of booze at 7-11 on Saturday nights. When the 7-11 worker told him he couldn't drink anymore until tomorrow, he grabbed all the beer out of the refrigerator and stacked it up on the floor of 7-11. From there, he placed the garbage can less than  ten feet from the beer. He prepared to start individually kicking all of the beer into the garbage can. while screaming, " If I...

After a young lady was seen riding on the back of a scooter last weekend while wearing a flower pot on her head instead of a protective safety helmet in Taipei, the entire nation of Taiwan has sold out of flower pots. The island nation has officially ditched the traditional chin-strap scooter helmets in favor of this revolutionary Pot Head Helmet. The country is now officially in a buzz for Pot Head Helmets, according to a new online community, Yellowit. Here is the picture of the first Pot Head Helmet: Click Here . Bullshit News in Taiwan uncovered how this Pothead Scooter Helmet rage initiated itself on Sunday evening with some stellar reporting. We discovered that an old lady in Taipei, was the first person to encourage others to stop wearing the traditional scooter helmets after the Pot Head Scooter Helmet lady's vehicle nearly hit the back of the old lady's scooter at a red light. The old lady, with a surname of Yu, preferred to be called by her street name for o...

The Mt. Beidawu  Movie If you're the kind of person that just wants to look at the pictures of the mountain, you can click on the video above. It even has some cheesy 90's dance music to go with it. However, I hope that you like to read about these kind of adventures as we definitely had our fair share of obstacles to overcome on this grueling three day trek that we chose to in two days, with a beginner hiker. For added levels of complexity, the beginner hiker and my more experienced hiking buddy Stephen, are fresh into a new relationship.  The Beidawu Summit Photo Every hiking trip I have ever been on is always similar in one way. Nothing else really matters besides getting to the top. Here we are after a long grueling trip to the top. "Happiness consists in realizing it is all a great strange dream. Because in the end, you won't remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain." Jack Kero...