American Expat Comedian Bombs at the Taipei Steak House



"I'm an expert at eating chopsticks," this awkward greeting was delivered to over a dozen Taiwanese customers at Long Wong Long's Steak House on Zhongshan Road in Taipei last night. Things got really weird when an American comedian took the stage with a fuzzy microphone to try and tell jokes. A distraught grandmother who witnessed the debauchery named Mrs. Cheng, reportedly even attempted to stab him in the neck with her own chopsticks last night when the American comedian got in the way of her trying to put sprinkles on her ice cream cone.  She told our reporters; " I would have done anything just to shut that idiot up."

She continued to scream at our reporters from Bullshit News in Taiwan.

"God damn it, I just wanted to put some sprinkles on my ice cream cone, and before you knew it I had this drunk American guy in my face, with a fuzzy microphone telling me that he is kind of an expert at eating chopsticks. Oh, and he would occasionally scream Jia You at  people. "

Apparently, Mrs. Cheng  is still at the temple praying that the God of Chop Sticks doesn't send out an evil spirit to haunt her tonight in her sleep since she tried to stab the guy with her chopsticks. The woman's husband allegedly told her that she is pretty much screwed and chopsticks ghosts will haunt her unless she goes to the annual Bombing Festival in Taitung. This is where people have to get up on a raised platform and have fireworks thrown at them. And, she is scared to get on trains, so she won't ever make it to Taitung.

Our reporters from Bullshit News in Taiwan also said this American comedian didn't  have any jokes at all. They went on to confirm the initial reports that the guy kept getting in people's faces at the ice cream machine, and saying, "Jia You," or "Fighitng," while they put sprinkles on their ice cream. 

One customer was actually happy to have run into this strange American guy. She said afterwords , he told me that he thinks Taiwanese people are really friendly,  and that tickles my Hello Kitty Sweater pink.

That's all for now from Bullshit News in Taiwan. More bullshit will be served soon enough.

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