A Notorious Love Affair at Zhiben Aboriginal Park

March 22, 2017

How to get here: Be nice. We might send you the newest tracking APP. "You're still lost, DIPSHIT ! "

With the APP, every time you even think about a wrong turn, Sexy Siri will be there to drop that self esteem one more notch.

Bring a tissue. You don't want Sexy Siri to make you well up before you get off the highway.

If the river of sadness puffs up those cheeks of yours, you can always turn up the music really loud and blame it on the damn pollution in Taiwan.

Now, let's look at two of Taiwan's most annoying people and their relationship with Aboriginal culture.

Male Expat Nobody Likes & His Passion to Play Dress Up

You can find Male Expat Nobody likes roaming a park , while talking to himself.

He usually has a gigantic dog , "to keep people from bothering him. "

The drinks bulging his waste line may confuse you into thinking, his face has only been lightly poked with disappointment.

If you break up the conversation he was having with himself, you will quickly learn that EPIK, the Korean teaching gig, was the last well respected gig he ever had. That was in 2003.

Further conversation with Male Expat Nobody Likes tells you that his face hasn't just been lightly pelted with mild disappointment, his face has been rocketed with loss after loss.

He even loses with his students at "High Five Low Five, You're Too Slow. "

Rumor has it his farts don't make bubbles in the bath tub anymore. They figured what's the point.

Don't worry. You won't be reaking like a disappointment sandwich too long

This dude can fill you up on random Aboriginal knowledge. His mom said he's loved to dress like Cowboys & Indians since he was seven.

Mom swears this dress up malarkey means he might be one of the Damn Gays.

His mom even told her neighbor Betty that she wishes Male Expat Nobody Likes would hurry up and make her a grandma.
Betty told Mom doesn't even care if it's with one of the Damn Gays. She just wants a baby.

Male Expat Nobody Likes does get upset that Mom doesn't respect his wishes to dress up.

He says he still is not changing his AOL dial up profile pic, of him sporting the traditional Aboriginal costume.

Female Expat Nobody Likes: Female Expat Nobody Likes breathes a much shorter story. She can be found Skyping her mom while waiting in line for her favorite dumplings at the night market. Allegedly, she has told the old lady that sells the dumplings that she just loves how cute the lady's husband is over 150 times. They have only been in line for two minutes.

A drop in on her Skype convo with mom would clearly hear her telling mom how much freaking culture there is here in Taiwan.

Fortunately, age has passed Female Expat Nobody Likes by a bit. This means she stopped saying, "This one time in Thailand," back in 2007.

Mom tells Female Expat Nobody Likes she's so proud of her for living her dream. Mom doesn't even guilt trip her about grand babies. Rumor has it mom can't stand the dumb bitch anymore.

Mom says she has been over Female Expat Nobody Likes since she answered every question in 2004 with, "This one time in Vietnam." Mom thinks backpacking is cool for 19 year olds, not 38 year olds.

The Church of the Aboriginals:
Before these two dipshits make babies, I'm going to make an app that tells you how annoying your children would be before you fornicate.

It will be called the DSI: Dipshit Index.

Step 1, 2, & 3 to Avoid Being A Dipshit

I have been told by a local. Kids of each level, elementary, junior high, and senior High, come to each building to learn the Aboriginal heritage. An elder tribesmen leads the educational process.