Bangkok Nights- Hotel Services Price Check

After recently spending twenty consecutive nights on different dirty Korean hostel floors followed up by nine nights of utter debauchery in Phuket, Thailand, a guy in a suit and tie was happy to greet me at the information counter of the Bangkok Airport. He proudly showed off a packet full of laminated advertisements for the different five star hotels he had available for me. 

He had a better chance of selling pork to a devout Muslim than he did of getting me into a five star hotel. My grungy backpack and my 29 day beard should have been key indicators to set his standards lower. 

 

I tried to cue him in on what I actually wanted. 

"Yeah man, what's the cheapest thing you got ?"

"With this one sir, you get...."

"Dude. I just want something reasonable." 

"How about this one sir? $1500 Baht/50 US Dollars."

"Yeah, let's do it."

Shortly after forking over my cash, I was led to a hotel van by the driver with two other customers I assumed that the customers were mainland Chinese dudes, maybe a father and son. The driver loaded up our bags and we were ready to head out into the Bangkok night.

On any other night , I would have been looking out the window no different than a dog on his 152nd trip to the same park. I love nothing more than to see a new city for the first time. I was absolutely exhausted on this particular evening however.

I was also not too interested in striking up a conversation with the other customers in the van. After watching a Chinese dude stick his chopsticks in every dish of the breakfast buffet less than 24 hours ago, I wasn't feeling chatty.

The hotel surroundings were not far from what I expected for a 3 star hotel outside of Bangkok. Within 500 meters of the hotel, you could get a massage, watch a baseball game at an American-owned bar, and then head out for a heaping serving of crickets I literally just wanted to walk inside of the hotel, suck down one beer, and crash.

Before serving me, the young Thai gentleman at the counter gave the two Chinese guys some of the most exquisite customer service I ever saw, all done in Mandarin. 

I must have smelled like ping pong balls shot out of a vagina, because things got grimy quick. 

"Hey Bruah. You want the ladies tonight?"

I stepped back a second.

"Bruah. The ladies, for fucking?"

Even though I honestly have no interest in hookers, I seldom find the ability to resist requesting  a price-check. I see it like walking by a Mercedes dealer and asking the price on a bunch of cars. I am never going to buy the car. But, I like to know how much it is.

"How much?"

"3000 Baht. She will even sick your dick."

"Nah man. Can I just get a room?"

"Of course. Here's my number.  Call me if you change your mind."

Later on that night, one of the girls walked out of the massage area and immediately caught eyes with me. She looked at me with the same innocence of a first crush. It was interesting to have that realization smack me in the head that she is just a regular person too.  I thought about it for a second.

But, NO.

  I stuck to the game plan. prostitutes for me are for Price-Checks.