The 40 Year Old Backpacker- Part 1

 

After one night in a legit hotel room in UB, I decided to go cheaper for my next night in Mongolia. We’re talking seriously , dirt fucking cheap. It was going to cost $7 for a night in a bed, and  that included a home-cooked breakfast in the morning.

 

As I got into the guest house, there is always a bit of shame for me whenever I do the bunk bed thing, I took an incredible amount of ridicule the previous year by the family about staying in dorm beds. To be honest, it is just fucking embarrassing at this point.

 

I tend to make up stories in hostels like, “Yeah, I am divorced, and never got a chance to travel, so now I’m making a journey through Asia.”

It’s not that hard to bullshit your way through that conversation. Because what happens next is the kid will almost always say, “Oh cool. Did you start out in Thailand?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Did you hit Pataya?”

“Yeah, that place was awesome.”

“Where else have you been?”

“Nepal was a good one, Man.”

“Right on man. You must have done the Anapaurna Trek?”

“Yeah, of course. “

“Sick”

 

Meanwhile, when I went to Nepal, I lost three cell phones, nearly checked myself into a mental home,after the horrendous anxiety exacta of having flashbacks of the guy in Honduras robbing me  me, along with the fact that my ATM somehow got blocked, and the bank could only say,  “Come to the bank to get your new card,” after several dozen refusals by them to acknowledge that I was in Nepal, and I literally didn’t have a fucking way of getting money. On that trip, I ended up having to borrow money from a 23 year old Italian kid, who had the most insightful line I ever heard when confronted if he was nervous about lending me the money, “ Josh. You would be the biggest dick in the world if you were to stiff me on this money.”

 

But, as I walked into the guest house, I saw a very typical-looking young Western girl traveling through Asia, decked out in a combination of Burmese, Tibetan, Indian, and God only fucking knows what other kinds of fucking outfit.

 

She threw up a warm and delightful,

 

“Heyyyyy!”

“How’s it going?”

“Good. So good. What a lovely place this is, huh?”

“Yeah, you joining us on the trip?”

“Yeah. “

“Good deal, looks AMAZING. Have you been traveling?”

“Me, not really. I just finished my school year, and now I’m starting my trip here. I just have about 9 days in Mongolia, and then I will ride a bike across Korea, and then meet my girlfriend in the Philippines.”

 

Well, at least it was a little more honest than usual. But, I did throw a big fucking lie in, at the end of the statement. I was meeting a friend with benefits, who I wanted it to be a girlfriend, but she clearly didn’t want it to be more. But, I didn't know that at the time.