Bullshit News in Taiwan- How Whiskey MakesYou Stronger
- “Look at my face. Not even the hairs on my
beardg growclose together. Some lonely shit
here in Yunlin County, Taiwan”
Steve clasped Charles ‘ shoulder
”It’s all good bruah.In a week from now, we
will both be gassing up on whores and cocaine
in MOTHER FUCKING LAS VEGAS!”
will both be gassing up on whores and cocaine
in MOTHER FUCKING LAS VEGAS!”
Charles chuckled while making eye contact
witheveryone at the table. He raised his dixie
cup full of Whiskey with something
black floating at the bottom while switching
to Mandarin so everyone could
understand.
witheveryone at the table. He raised his dixie
cup full of Whiskey with something
black floating at the bottom while switching
to Mandarin so everyone could
understand.
“Steve and I have had a lot of fun Saturday nights
here with you guys. But, this is gonna be our
last one together. Thank you so much for all
the good times.”
here with you guys. But, this is gonna be our
last one together. Thank you so much for all
the good times.”
The two local farmers at the table clenched
their hands together while their cheeks
burned with apple-red pride.
their hands together while their cheeks
burned with apple-red pride.
“Ok-La. Don’t forget. Always drink more
whiskey, because it makes you stronger.”
whiskey, because it makes you stronger.”
The group chuckled in unison as they all threw
down the drink that Steve & Charles did not
know its official name.
down the drink that Steve & Charles did not
know its official name.
A few minutes later, the clan concluded that
it was tto call it a night for 7-11, aka Club 7.
Tcto decline suggestions of going to
Club Family. Ok Mart & Hi-Life were not even
mentioned.
it was tto call it a night for 7-11, aka Club 7.
Tcto decline suggestions of going to
Club Family. Ok Mart & Hi-Life were not even
mentioned.
A few dozen more handshakes were given
between the Americans and the farmers.
Finally, Steve had an idea that would get
everyone to leave.
between the Americans and the farmers.
Finally, Steve had an idea that would get
everyone to leave.
”Boys. Go make your wives happy.”
The farmers each blushed.
“Ok La. Ok La.!”
Charles stumbled down the road with his c
phone in his chest pocket.
phone in his chest pocket.
“It’s my last Saturday night. Maybe some hottie
f
Taipei is down here visiting family and looking f
some fun.”
f
Taipei is down here visiting family and looking f
some fun.”
He logged into Tinder and noticed that he had
a match.
a match.
“Cool. Who is it?”
“Shit. A forty-nine-year-old dude named Fred, wa dress,
looking for a language exchange partner.”
looking for a language exchange partner.”
“Well, Charles. You know what to do.”
He popped his feet on the bed, rested his laptop on top of him,
and cranked the speakers on his laptop up to level ten as he
zipped right to Pornhub.
and cranked the speakers on his laptop up to level ten as he
zipped right to Pornhub.
“Hmm. What to search for? Taiwanese girl
takes on BBC.”
“Yeah, gotta know what I would have been playing with if I
would have lived in Taipei or Kaoshiung.“
would have lived in Taipei or Kaoshiung.“
He thought about the fact that his speakers w
on level ten as
this young lady was screaming like someone
was murdering her
pussy. But, he continued to carry on.
on level ten as
this young lady was screaming like someone
was murdering her
pussy. But, he continued to carry on.
“It’s Saturday night. The neighbors should just
be lucky I don’t
have a real girl in here making a serious racket.”
be lucky I don’t
have a real girl in here making a serious racket.”
He woke up a few hours later with his board shorts around his
ankles and a half-empty can of Taiwan beer on his pecs.
ankles and a half-empty can of Taiwan beer on his pecs.
“Well, at least, this is less weird than the time I woke up with a
can of beer and a paint-brush on top of me while laying in the
shower “
can of beer and a paint-brush on top of me while laying in the
shower “
On his way to the Brita for water, he shut off the sound to his
laptop; the same young lady was still making the monstrous moans
that she could only make while taking on a BBC.
laptop; the same young lady was still making the monstrous moans
that she could only make while taking on a BBC.
In a semi-drunken stooper, he suddenly had an idea that he must
take a trip out of Huwei later today, before he gets lonely enough to
ask a student to hang out on a Saturday afternoon.
take a trip out of Huwei later today, before he gets lonely enough to
ask a student to hang out on a Saturday afternoon.
Later that morning, he scooted to a place called Qigong Temple,
in a neighboring village of Linnei. His Taiwanese co-teacher,
Melon, told him, “If you like hiking, you can try it there.
They also have famous noodles nearby.”
in a neighboring village of Linnei. His Taiwanese co-teacher,
Melon, told him, “If you like hiking, you can try it there.
They also have famous noodles nearby.”
The journey to the temple was mostly uneventful. The main
highlight of the excursion was seeing a dude with a suit and
no helmet on a scooter. He chuckled about the irony.
highlight of the excursion was seeing a dude with a suit and
no helmet on a scooter. He chuckled about the irony.
Arrival at the place of worship was also less than spectacular.
There must have been over a million used firework wrappers
laying around. It looked like the night after a State Fair, on a hill.
There must have been over a million used firework wrappers
laying around. It looked like the night after a State Fair, on a hill.
He salivated over the thought of even the smallest slice of
Funnel Cake. He also thought the hill must be what his coworker
said is a hike.
Funnel Cake. He also thought the hill must be what his coworker
said is a hike.
Things for Charles changed quickly despite the lack of scenery.
When he got to the back of the temple, a 19-year-old Taiwanese
guy with BetelNut oozing out of his mouth attempted to get him
to try Betel Nut, which he politely declined. Then, he saw a proud
father playfully bumping foreheads with his toddler. Daddy spilled
half of his can of Budweiser on the girl’s shirt. Charles mumbled,
“I am in the prime of my life. And this is what I am doing on
Sunday. FML!“
When he got to the back of the temple, a 19-year-old Taiwanese
guy with BetelNut oozing out of his mouth attempted to get him
to try Betel Nut, which he politely declined. Then, he saw a proud
father playfully bumping foreheads with his toddler. Daddy spilled
half of his can of Budweiser on the girl’s shirt. Charles mumbled,
“I am in the prime of my life. And this is what I am doing on
Sunday. FML!“
Suddenly, another half in the bag dude from the tour bus party
called him over to the back corner of the temple, “Hey. You.
Very strong. How you do it?”
called him over to the back corner of the temple, “Hey. You.
Very strong. How you do it?”
Charles kept walking until he found the hiking trail.
With Club Seven worthy debauchery going on below him,
Charles walked about 300 meters up the painted stairs until
he saw a path leading to a pull-up bar station. He decided to take
the path and test his strength on the bars as he heard the drunks
below launching their third round of fireworks in the last ten
minutes. He lightly pulled himself down after his eighth pull-up
while thinking, “Maybe, I am getting pretty strong these days. “
Charles walked about 300 meters up the painted stairs until
he saw a path leading to a pull-up bar station. He decided to take
the path and test his strength on the bars as he heard the drunks
below launching their third round of fireworks in the last ten
minutes. He lightly pulled himself down after his eighth pull-up
while thinking, “Maybe, I am getting pretty strong these days. “
Suddenly, he couldn’t help but notice two black eyes locked on his.
Aliana marched over to him while scrunching her hair in a
pony-tail and she said in Mandarin.
”You are so strong. Even when you’re tired, you muscled
right up there.”
Aliana marched over to him while scrunching her hair in a
pony-tail and she said in Mandarin.
”You are so strong. Even when you’re tired, you muscled
right up there.”
Immediately, Aliana walked past the pull-up bars, and into the
bamboo forest. He had no idea of her name nor her reputation
as the hottest babe in Huwei. Before he could even ask her name,
he noticed the red stripes on the side of her skin-tight spandex
were drifting out of his sight. For no logical reason,
Charles took this as an invitation to come with her.
bamboo forest. He had no idea of her name nor her reputation
as the hottest babe in Huwei. Before he could even ask her name,
he noticed the red stripes on the side of her skin-tight spandex
were drifting out of his sight. For no logical reason,
Charles took this as an invitation to come with her.
She could have been built like a Sumo wrestler for all he cared.
He needed the brush of a woman’s lips against his ears and more,
very badly.
He needed the brush of a woman’s lips against his ears and more,
very badly.
Lucky for Charles, she quickly whispered in his ears after kissing
them, “Let them watch.”
them, “Let them watch.”
This confused Charles for a couple of reasons. He knew that the
drunks at the bottom of the hill could not possibly march up even
the mound of a mountain. Also, he did not see any people on the
trail. So, who could actually watch?
drunks at the bottom of the hill could not possibly march up even
the mound of a mountain. Also, he did not see any people on the
trail. So, who could actually watch?
Despite her apparent fetish to be watched, he made his next
move in the privacy of the middle of two bamboo trees. He
quickly worked his way into her already moistened vagina. This
was moments after she dropped her spandex pants to her ankles.
move in the privacy of the middle of two bamboo trees. He
quickly worked his way into her already moistened vagina. This
was moments after she dropped her spandex pants to her ankles.
She whispered in Mandarin, ”Stronger.”
He maintained his thrusts against her hips to the steady beat of
the gong, also coming from the temple.
the gong, also coming from the temple.
Charles wanted things to carry on for hours. Suddenly, his body
took control over him and faster than his farmer buddies
drink a half shot of whiskey, it was all over...
took control over him and faster than his farmer buddies
drink a half shot of whiskey, it was all over...
He noticed a bigger problem. His used condom was dotted with
tiny dots of black sperm as he chucked it deep into the bamboo
forest. He thought that was weird.
tiny dots of black sperm as he chucked it deep into the bamboo
forest. He thought that was weird.
That was when he heard feet crunching over the brown leaves on
the soil behind him. He took a look over his shoulder. She was
darting down the hill, towards the demented tour group,
pounding Budweisers at the temple. He could only see the
flashes on her spandex.
the soil behind him. He took a look over his shoulder. She was
darting down the hill, towards the demented tour group,
pounding Budweisers at the temple. He could only see the
flashes on her spandex.
He decided to let her go.
While she fled, he did a Google search on his phone for black dots
in sperm. That was when his heart skipped a beat.
in sperm. That was when his heart skipped a beat.
It suddenly occurred to him that the whiskey the Taiwanese
farmers used to pour him and Steve at 7–11 had black dots on
the bottom that looked a lot like ants.
farmers used to pour him and Steve at 7–11 had black dots on
the bottom that looked a lot like ants.
The farmers used to tell them when asked if they are ants,
”More power. Give you more power. “
”More power. Give you more power. “
Nervously, he Googled, “Chinese whiskey with ants.”
He got the following search result:
“An ancient belief in Chinese medicine is that concocting ants and
whiskey together will give those in need of stronger sexual
endurance an added boost. It does cause a side effect that is not
dangerous, but still physically repulsive. It may cause black
sperm “
whiskey together will give those in need of stronger sexual
endurance an added boost. It does cause a side effect that is not
dangerous, but still physically repulsive. It may cause black
sperm “
Charles shook his head, “Those damn farmers gave me
ants in my sperm. “
ants in my sperm. “
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