Bullshit News in Taiwan- How Whiskey Makes You Stronger

"Look at my face. Not even the hairs on my

 beard grow close together. Some lonely shit

 here in Yunlin County, Taiwan”

Steve clasped Charles ‘ shoulder

”It’s all good bruah. In a week from now, we

 will both be gassing up on Babes and Blow

 in  LAS VEGAS!”

Charles chuckled, while making eye contact

with everyone at the table.  He raised his dixie-cup

full of whiskey and a strange concoction of black dots floating to the top of his cup. 

He switched to Mandarin so everyone could understand.

 “Steve and I have had a lot of fun Saturday nights

 here with you guys. But, this is gonna be our

last one together. Thank you so much for all

the good times.”

The two local farmers at the table clenched

 their hands together while their cheeks

 burned with apple-red pride.

“Ok-La. Don’t forget."
" Always drink more whiskey, because it makes you stronger.” 

The group chuckled in unison as they all threw

 down their drinks. Steve and Charles never asked the official name of the drink.

A few minutes later, the clan concluded that

 it was time call it a night for 7-11, aka Club 7. 

Steve and Charles declined the farmers' suggestions of going to Family Mart aka Club Family. Ok Mart & Hi-Life were not even

mentioned. 

A few dozen more handshakes were given between the Americans and the farmers.Finally, Steve had an idea that would get everyone to leave. 

”Boys. Go make your wives happy.”

The farmers each blushed. 

“Ok La. Ok La.!”

Charles stumbled down the road with his cell phone in his chest pocket.

“It’s my last Saturday night. Maybe some hottie

from Taipei is down here visiting family and looking for

some fun.”

He logged into Tinder and noticed that he had

 a match. 

“Cool. Who is it?”

“Shit. A forty-nine-year-old dude named Fred, wearing a dress,

 looking for a language exchange partner.” 

Finally, he walked into his unlocked apartment while holding

a can of Taiwan Beer in his hand. 

“Well, Charles. You know what to do.”

He popped his feet on the bed, rested his laptop on top of him,

and cranked the speakers on his laptop up to level ten as he

zipped right to Pornhub.

“Hmm. What to search for? Taiwanese girl

 takes on BBC.”

“Yeah, gotta know what I would have been playing with if I

would have lived in Taipei or Kaoshiung.“ 

He thought about the fact that his speakers were

on level ten as this young lady was screaming like someone

 was murdering her. But, he continued to carry on.

“It’s Saturday night. The neighbors should just

 be lucky I don’t have a real girl in here making a serious racket.” 

He woke up a few hours later with his board shorts around his

 ankles and a half-empty can of Taiwan beer on his pecs.

“Well,  at least, this is less weird than the time I woke up with a

can of beer and a paint-brush on top of me while laying in the

 shower “

On his way to the Brita for water, he shut off the sound to his

laptop; the same young lady was still making the monstrous moans

that she could only make while taking on a BC. 

In a semi-drunken haze, he suddenly had an idea that he must

take a trip out of Huwei later today, before he gets lonely enough to

 ask a student to hang out on a Saturday afternoon.

Later that morning, he scooted to a place called Qigong Temple,

in a neighboring village of Linnei. His Taiwanese co-teacher,

Melon, told him, “If you like hiking, you can try it there.

They also have famous noodles nearby.”

The journey to the temple was mostly uneventful. The main

highlight of the excursion was seeing a dude with a suit and

no helmet on a scooter. He chuckled about the irony.

Arrival at the place of worship was also less than spectacular.

There must have been over a million used firework wrappers

laying around. It looked like the night after a State Fair, but on a hill.

He salivated over the thought of even the smallest slice of

Funnel Cake. He also thought the hill must be what his coworker

said is a hike.

Things for Charles changed quickly despite the lack of scenery.

When he got to the back of the temple, a 19-year-old Taiwanese

 guy with Betel Nut oozing out of his mouth attempted to get him

 to try Betel Nut, which he politely declined. Then, he saw a proud

father playfully bumping foreheads with his toddler. Daddy spilled

 half of his can of Budweiser on the girl’s shirt. Charles mumbled,

“I am in the prime of my life. And this is what I am doing on

Sunday. FML!“

Suddenly, another half in the bag dude from the tour bus party

called him over to the back corner of the temple, “Hey. You.

Very strong. How you do it?” 

Charles kept walking until he found the hiking trail.

With Club Seven worthy debauchery going on below him,

Charles walked about 300 meters up the painted stairs until

he saw a path leading to a pull-up bar station. He decided to take

the path and test his strength on the bars as he heard the drunks

 below launching their third round of fireworks in the last ten

 minutes. He lightly pulled himself down after his eighth pull-up

 while thinking, “Maybe, I am getting pretty strong these days. “

Suddenly, he couldn’t help but notice two black eyes locked on his.

Aliana marched over to him while scrunching her hair in a

pony-tail and she said in Mandarin.

”You are so strong. Even when you’re tired, you muscled

right up there.”

Immediately, Aliana walked past the pull-up bars, and into the

bamboo forest. He had no idea of her name nor her reputation

as the hottest babe in Huwei. 

Before he could even ask her name,he noticed the red stripes on the side of her skin-tight spandex were drifting out of his sight. For no logical reason,

Charles took this as an invitation to come with her. She could have been built like a Sumo wrestler for all he cared.He needed the brush of a woman’s lips against his ears and more,very badly.

 Lucky for Charles, she quickly whispered in his ears after kissing

 them, “Let them watch.” 

This confused Charles for a couple of reasons. He knew that the

drunks at the bottom of the hill could not possibly march up even

the mound of a mountain. Also, he did not see any people on the

trail.  So, who could actually watch?

Despite her apparent fetish to be watched, he made his next

move in the privacy of the middle of two bamboo trees. He

quickly worked his way into her already moistened vagina. This

was moments after she dropped her spandex pants to her ankles.

She whispered in Mandarin,”Stronger.”

He maintained his thrusts against her hips to the steady beat of

 the gong, also coming from the temple.

Charles wanted things to carry on for hours. Suddenly, his body

took control over him and faster than his farmer buddies

drink a half shot of whiskey, it was all over...

He noticed a bigger problem. His used condom was dotted with

tiny dots of black sperm as he chucked it deep into the bamboo

forest. He thought that was weird.

That was when he heard feet crunching over the brown leaves on

 the soil behind him. He took a look over his shoulder. She was

darting down the hill, towards the demented tour group,

pounding Budweisers at the temple. 

He could only see the flashes on her spandex.

He decided to let her go. 

While she fled, he did a Google search on his phone for black dots

 in sperm. That was when his heart skipped a beat.

It suddenly occurred to him that the whiskey the Taiwanese

farmers used to pour him and Steve at 7–11 had black dots in it that looked a lot like ants. 

The farmers used to tell them when asked if they are ants,

”More power. Give you more power. “

Nervously, he Googled, “Chinese whiskey with ants.”

He got the following search result:

“An ancient belief in Chinese medicine is that concocting ants and

whiskey together will give those in need of stronger sexual

endurance an added boost. It does cause a side effect that is not

dangerous, but still physically repulsive. It may cause black

sperm “

Charles shook his head, “Those damn farmers gave me

ants in my sperm. “

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